The christmas post

There's something about Christmas which I love. I can't put my finger on it, and we don't celebrate it, so it's not like I have family celebrations or gifts or anything. But, Christmas is not just a festivity- I think it's a feeling. You have to hand it to the people of yore- they certainly picked a really good time for Christmas. Or was the calendar based on this day? Ah, well, nevermind. The point being that end-of-the-year festivities are what bring about that "cheer" that everyone talks about. Christmas, followed by what atleast feels like christmas holidays followed by the new year. Two 3-day weekends in a row. Ah. I feel good.

So, what am I doing these three GLORIOUS holidays? I don't really know. But, that's kind of the beauty of it. For starters, I slept in, and I mean, really really slept in, because I've just napped for eleven hours. Yes. ELEVEN. Boy, does that feel good. Sleep really is phenomenal. See, that's the thing about this season, you appreciate simple yet essential things, like sleep, food, and people.

I'm also going to learn how to make chocolate fudge today from friends (Hey, it is christmas day, right? This day calls for goodies.) Tomorrow I'm going to watch 3 Idiots. And I didn't even have to plan anything! Oh, how I love it when others do the planning. This is sweet. I didn't get to go to a christmas party, but I am going for a party tomorrow, and it feels like a christmas party. So, I'm happy.

Also, I love carols and here is one of my favourite carols, mainly because it's usually sung very fast and is really zippy and peppy and all that.

This is Christmas season
so there isn't any reason
we can't dance the Christmas polka

Hear sleighbells ringing
everybody's singing
dancing the Christmas polka

Christmas trees and holly
make everyone so jolly
and love just fills the air

It's a wonderful world
for a boy and a girl
while dancing the Christmas polka

Have an amazing holiday season, folks.

All hail John Mayer

Why is it not my time?
What is there more to learn?
Shed this skin I've been tripping in
Never to quite return

Yes, I'm grounded
Got my wings clipped
I'm surrounded by
All this pavement
Guess I'll circle
While I'm waiting
For my fuse to dry

Someday I'll fly
Someday I'll soar
Someday I'll be so damn much more
Cause I'm bigger than my body gives me credit for

Bigger Belief

Irrational Belief can be a strange thing. I was first exposed to it in college, no, wait, first exposed to it when I was an infant, when I started believing in god. Why? Because mummy and daddy believe in god. Parents fold their children's hands in prayer, tell them to close their eyes, tell them to pray. Why? Because children don't know any better? Because that's the best way? Because that's the easiest way?
or because that's the accepted way?

Either way, that was my first irrational belief. No proof, no questions asked. God was everywhere, almighty, powerful. God was perennial Indian Santa- he always knew if you were good or bad. God, in that way was he and she, child and adult, good and bad karma- all rolled into one magnificent mural of wonderment and power. God was synonymous with destiny and fate. Praying to him was like praying to yourself, asking for you to find the strength to do the things you wanted to do, and let's face it, it's easier, at that age, to ask someone else for things than yourself. Right? Right.

This went on for a while, until life made me refine that belief. I don't believe in idol-worship, I think organized religion tends to lose its purpose, I don't believe that there is just one way to pray or one place to pray. I know I've prayed my lungs out in bathrooms, bed, at window sills and a LOT in moving vehicles. I hope when I climb stairs. I dream when I walk.
I wish when I sit. It's all the time. I wouldn't exist if I didn't believe that good things have a place in our lives.

But after college, I've started to believe in irrational belief not just because I'm used to it, but because I've actually seen it work. I've to thank a lot of people for this, but for all her never-say-die category effort, this is because of you, Silverstreak. There have been times when I've irrationally believed something to be possible. With absolutely no pointers, not even a breeze blowing in that direction.

When every little thing tells me it's the other thing, I've believed because I've wanted it. Truly, truly wanted it. And I've got it, too. How, you ask? hey, if I knew, I wouldn't just be writing a blog post, I'd be writing a book.

So yes, contrary to my previous ranting posts, I'm not stopping. Not now, anyway.

Everything happens for a reason, people say. Well, I've reasons to believe that everything happens. It has to. Not because of what I've done to deserve it, but because of the belief in what I will do, once I get it.

My yin-yang

If you've never heard of the yin-yang, it is a symbol in chinese philosophy, that represents opposing forces being interconnected. The good and the bad, for example. The good's got a little bit of bad in it, and the bad's got a little bit of good. I've always liked this symbol; I even bought a Yin-Yang pendant almost a decade ago and wore it religiously.

I found an english equivalent to the Yin-Yang today, and that's Distraction. Distraction is a perfect blend of good and evil. Most people make distraction out to be something that's to be avoided at all costs- it takes away focus, stops you from concentrating, changes your priorities, yadda yadda yadda. Well, guess what? Distraction can be evil. It can mess you up, and this is something almost everyone has been exposed to.
But distraction can be a fabulous thing.

I guess that's the thing with bloggers..sometimes we write just to forget other things. It's not always about encapsulating our realities for the rest of the world- sometimes, it's about escaping them. I've always written most before exams, when I've been upset, moody, worried, scared, and sometimes, too happy to handle. Blogging is the BEST form of procrastination, and the worst. Best because it makes you feel fantastic. Worst because you've proof of your procrastination, up on the internet, for the world to see.

Hmm, what shall I write about? I don't quite know how to pronounce 'oeuvre' yet. I've tried, several times, looked at audio and IPA pronunciations, and, to no avail. I should be cooking dinner right now, but I'm contemplating making do with soup. Laziness is every sunday's middle name, I suppose. I played wii tennis to feel better, but this random hitting of keys is actually doing a better job. I feel distracted enough already. Calm. Breathing. Whew.

And, will you look at that. When I started this, I didn't know what I'd type about to get my mind off things, and now I've got a post way longer than intended (as usual, as always, for always). Some people tell me that the stuff I write is too long, and I agree with them. But when these keys feel this good to type on, you can't really stop very easily. Momentum takes a while to fizzle out.

Now that I'm feeling better, I'm going back to the real world. A world where I've no keys all the time, where a white screen isn't my canvas and where my mind isn't on a free-fall-spree, but a world I love anyway, because all of writing is a part of the world, and all of the world is a part of writing.

For thatha

10/05/09

It all goes so far back that I don't know where to begin. There are long flashes, of course, of happy memories, of incidents. But I guess that's how you know someone's left their impact on you well and truly- you get this feeling when you think about them. It's a constant, fuzzy feeling, one that transcends events and memories. You feel like if they're around, you can handle anything, battle anything.
And that's how I felt about thatha.

Thatha was my grandfather, although it'd be impossible to condense everything he was in just that one word. He taught me things and he learnt things from me. At times he'd tell me what was good for me, and at times, he'd have to hear it. Happiest when I was happy, most upset when I was. My best friend, my mentor, my coach, my human diary, all rolled into one. He understood me and my strengths, and refused to let me think that I had weaknesses.

He played multiple roles with ease- dad, buddy, teacher. I had to remind myself of the fact that he was so much older than I was, because it really didn't seem so. You see, my thatha was way cool. He was very active, and so he'd go for a walk twice in the day- mornings and evenings. He'd put on these amazing sunglasses, a cap, and sparkling sneakers and practically sprint. We'd have these races when I was small, and you know what? He won, most of the time. And believe me, i tried. He was fast. That's what was so amazing about him- he wouldn't try and go slowly just so I'd win. He wouldn't turn any odds in my favour- simply because he didn't think that I needed that. He believed that I already had what it takes, and I didn't need handicap points- and that only made winning those races truly worth it- because I knew that I'd truly won.

It's easier to buy you your first watch than to teach you to tell the time, and thatha did both. It's easier to buy you your first bike than to teach you to ride it, and thatha did both. It's easier to give you money than to teach you how to handle it, and thatha did both. I really don't know how, but he managed to find time to be actively involved in the lives of people around him. He was a an amazing orator- Barack Obama, you have company. Storytelling was his forte. He'd truly seen life, through years of unbelievable hardship, and he had amazing anecdotes every single time- all filled with so many unbelievable events that I'd keep telling him that he had enough experiences for a book. I guess I got my love for writing from him- he wrote diaries like I did, fiercely guarded them like I did, believed in simple writing- just like I do.

Incredibly open-minded for his generation, thatha was the quintessential post-independence indian- both british and indian in his ways. Unbelievably comfortable in english, tea-drinking, and cricket loving. I could write a whole post on his love for cricket. If india won, he'd bring the house down in joy. Sachin tendulkar could not have had a bigger fan.

He had an amazing outlook towards education, being self educated and well read. It was lifelong and of primary importance, he'd say. He was scholarly, and knew more about indian scripture than most people- and he'd never try to persuade us to follow it like he did. No questions asked, and I was always given the benefit of the doubt. "Am I right?", he'd ask, after practically every thing he'd say to me. No one else has ever taught me things that way- and I've learnt best from him. I can't remember a single instance where he even firmly spoke to me, let alone shouted or scolded. He taught me by sheer example. It was his je ne sais quoi. I learnt what mutual love and respect means, because of him. I wasn't just his granddaughter for him to mould and grow with- I was his confidante, his buddy. Thanks to him, I know what it's like to be the apple of someone's eye. We were each other's biggest fan.

To the man who defended me always, to the man who taught me how to fail, how to cry, how to walk, how to smile. To the man who taught me about faith. To the man who's taught me to believe in myself. To the man who believed in me more than I believe in myself. To the man who taught me almost everything I know, and made me what I am, today. To the man who has celebrated my happiness like no one else ever has. To the man who practically picked me up when I'd fallen down in life, not knowing how to get up. To the man who taught me how to pick myself up when he wasn't there. To alpenliebe's biggest fan. To the first person I'd tell good news to. Good news just isn't the same without him.

To one of the finest father figures ever. To the man who has seen all my light, and still loved my dark.

To the man who taught me to never run away from expressing myself, I sure hope heaven has amazing internet, thatha, because this, is for you.

Lunch date

I wish this was about me (actually, maybe not). It isn't.

So, today, I went out for lunch. With friends from college and it was great, but that's not what this is about. The weirdest thing happened today.

At the table next to us, there was a boy and a girl, both seemed to be in their mid twenties, and the girl looked very familiar. Both were quite good looking and it even seemed like they'd look together. For some reason, it seemed like they were on a lunch date.

I've seen a LOT of people on dinner dates, and I'll tell you how it normally goes. At dinner dates, people tend to sit next to each other rather than across the table from each other. They're usually whispering and drinking and being obviously in love. They're usually dressed up and flirty.

At lunch dates, I don't know how it goes. But these two people were both dressed normally, casual, even. They were sitting across the table, and it seemed to me like they were either meeting after very long, or for the first time. Heck, it seemed like they were meeting for arranged marriage purposes.

I'd always had such a negative opinion of that, but today, it didn't seem bad at all. It seemed FUN! They were talking, a lot, and really well! From what I saw (Ok, so I listened in a lot. I know it's creepy, but it was a really interesting thing to see- a lot of us couldn't help ourselves). They were talking about their interests, just getting to know each other, and it didn't seem like anything was weird or awkward. It just seemed like honest, relaxed conversation. The kind you have with a perfect stranger, and walk away knowing each other.

I was impressed. I don't know why, but it made me very happy to see a simple, basic date go so well for two people, in this weird, complicated world. Now if that wasn't a date, well, those two are going to be / already are really great friends.

I hope they never read this.

My shortest post ever.

*Rant alert*

You know the eternal truth about life? Well, I, all of twenty-two years of age and experience, have finally, finally figured it out. It was, indeed, a very kumbayaah moment. Here it is:



the most important things never go according to plan.




Go on, life!! If I'm wrong, go on and prove me wrong! I'd love that.

I have tried being positive, I really have. Now it seems about time for Plan B. Hmm, where did I put that punching bag?

Firecracker

I feel like a firecracker. Now, now, I may be going too far with this, but I've been thinking a lot, this weekend, and MOST of it is rather unrealistic. But I figured, If I actually put those thoughts down, It'll all become more real, and then I have nothing else to do but follow the green signal.

Ready, set

Is it because of Diwali? There are firecrackers bursting all around me. They're all bits and pieces of things, really, put together in a fashion that allows them to shoot up and burst into splendour right in front of your eyes. In big, spectacular fashion. In a way that cannot be ignored.

I have all those bits and pieces in me, I always have. But right now, I'm no more Miss purple shoes with bits and pieces in them, wandering about life. I have a plan. My plan is to take those bits and pieces, and find a way to shoot them straight out. It will be painful, it will be confusing, it might make me go on hiatus or it might make me blog so much more because that might be the only way I will handle it. It might be impossible, even, but all I can think about are those big, colourful lights.

Because in the end, I will burst into a a wonder, and for a little while, you can't help but look at the sky, you will notice and then, hopefully, I'll have a LOT more to blog about.

Go!

Blog Action Day 2009 - What WE can do

Blog Action Day 09 is finally here. If you don't know about it yet, I really think you should check out their website. It's a fantastic event that is clearly organized by fantastic people- and I think they all deserve a big thumbs up, a massive round of applause, and whatever else you can give them. But what they really want is a world-wide conversation, one that brings about change better than superman, and one that finally makes our planet a better place to live in.

How amazingly selfless is that? These guys want us to do something that will hopefully create awareness and ultimately benefit us all. Although I have no clue what I should write about, I'm definitely going to give it a shot- for it's the LEAST I can do, don't you think?

I've been trying to read up on a lot of things for this post, and the only conclusion is that there's WAY too much about the environment that I don't know yet. There's SO much that will be affected by it, and I'm learning a lot. But I'm going to leave the advice and the well-crafted posts to the experts, because they truly know their stuff. But here's my take on things people like YOU and ME can do. We don't know all that much about what works, what doesn't, and we don't have the resources or the finances to truly bring about world-wide change. But we can do our part, and hopefully, influence others to do theirs, too.

Over the years, I've come to understand that there are millions and millions of people on this planet, and that's a force to reckon with. I mean, come on, peeps! We can fix space stations and make amazing discoveries and build supercomputers, but we can't do enough house-keeping for this planet we've been given?! It's time to pull up or socks, grow up and behave like we actually HAVE the brains we're famed for, don't you think?

There are some basic, simple things we can all do to make things better for the people who are actually trying to make GREAT things happen. These things don't involve money or resources or even too much time. They're all common sense, and most of them come under good old decent behaviour. Here's what WE can do, starting RIGHT NOW:

1) NOT LITTER.
And, not argue about it.
I've spent hours arguing with people about how it doesn't really create jobs, how some street corners and gutters are meant for garbage, and how there aren't dustbins everywhere. I think people should save their breath and just not litter, instead. It's just plain decency. Here's what some people think- "I don't own the street corner or the gutter, so why can't I throw it there?". Public ownership should matter to you just as much as private ownership. People don't litter in their own houses, do they? Eventually, they clean it up. Save yourself that time, and look for a dustbin next time. Until then, roll it up neatly and keep it with you till you can throw it. It won't kill you, places will look cleaner, smell bettter and fewer germs will breed. This goes DOUBLE for many Indians- you litter, and then talk about how amazing singapore looks. Hypocrisy isn't smart.
And there are a million things to be done- if there is no litter, people who clean it up can be utilised for more important civic work.

2) TURN OFF APPLIANCES AND SWITCHES and TAPS that YOU DON'T USE.
This is simple enough. Use power save. Does it bother you when other people clog up your LAN? Well, think of using power you don't need as clogging up the earth's limited internet. It's plain decency to switch off things- and it takes no time. Close taps you don't use.

3) FANCY SHMANCY, simple is good.
I love fancy workplaces and malls as much as the next guy, but do you really need a conveyor belt for used plates in a food court? If you're a manager with the power to affect these decisions, you should think about this. Why use the elevator or the escalator for one single floor? You have legs so you can move them. Do you really need a flat escalator when you can walk?

4) TRAVEL IN PACKS
Carpool, PLEASE! I've seen enoug roads clogged up with hundreds of cars all going to the same Tech park, each loaded up with one driver ONLY. It wouldn't hurt to carpool, it'd save you money, it'd save the environment, you wouldn't have to drive in traffic and everything would get better. While we're on this, road rage does NOTHING besides popping your veins out. Check out this amazingly simple initiative to see what I mean- Smiling Drivers. (Thank you, Shob, for that.)

5) DON'T IGNORE FREE LIGHTING
I've seen SO many offices that block out all natural light and air for complete air-conditioning and artificial lighting, throughout the day. Why? Architects, designers, managers and CEOs should sit up and take notice. It's really lame to have to use so much lighting when there's SO much of it available, for free! Even in the tropics, even in India, people want to run away from natural light and air. A little air-conditioning is necessary, but it doesn't have to be all that cold. Attempt to use natural things as much as possible. I really don't get why companies would spend a fortune on electricity when they can just get away with using natural light for most of the day for FREE. You don't need ANY finance degree to get that point. People have LOST THEIR MINDS while they've gained degrees, truly.

6) SPREAD THE WORD.
It isn't uncool to care about the environment or talk about it or discuss it when you're with your friends. It isn't uncool to spend your weekends being involved in projects like a sapling plantation drive- some of the coolest people I know are involved in stuff like this. A lot of teenagers think that doing this sort of stuff is uncool- and it's time to change that perception. Going green should be looked at in a whole new light. You should do whatever little you can to spread awareness- whether it's writing about it, singing about it, doing a play about it, drawing about it, talking about it, or being an example to others. Awareness is what's going to get us anywhere. And people should stop being cynical, in my opinion. You don't have to worry about which gas is categorized as a pollutant of not- it isn't in your hands, anyway. Sure, voice your opinion. But don't stop using your common sense to use this planet in a way that DOESN'T imply that it's a big round ball of trash.

So, there you go. If you've read till here, I'm glad and honoured that you gave up on doing something *far more precious*, I'm sure, than reading my views on how we can help do something as drastic as treat our giant home with respect. And no, I'm not trying to be captain planet or the planeteers. I just think that humans have it in them to be decent to their surroundings, and that such behaviour needs to be encouraged, applauded and expected in order for it to become commonplace. Fines are one thing- but if everyone n a street sticks up their nose at someone who litters, I can guarantee that it won't continue for long.

Here's to Blog Action Day, and more importantly, here's to the human race- and our ultimate test- Can we undo all the damage we've done for years? Can we get to the very bottom of that grimy stain and wipe it out? At the very least, can we stop that stain from getting bigger? We have to try, in our own small way. We're not just skulls with separate lives, we're people who jointly live in this one huge place. Here's to the hope that we all start acting like that's true.

Join the Conversation Here

Above Average with a Whoop!

Finally. Although I still have a couple of drafts that I'm supposed to finish and post (a fun music-tag one, in fact), Silverstreak certainly got one thing right- this is THE post-tag for me. Not because I've truly conquered this category, but because in this tag category, one thing is guaranteed- I am above average. And it feels FANTASTIC to type that. This list has a lot of classics, actually, and so the numbers are quite sad. Put me on a fiction list and I shall astound! But the longest list I can make is undoubtedly the list of books I want to read. One lifetime isn't enough for that, no kidding.

It has been quite a week, folks. Not a bad week, just a busy one. I haven't even started working yet (still in training) and I'm already acting all grown up and busy. I'm personally very scared for myself. I happened to see the friends episode on TV today, the one where chandler takes a bath, and all I could think of was how amazing a day in a tub would be. Completely putting aside all the soaked-skin effects, of course.

Anyway, here we go...

The Big Read reckons that the average adult has only read 6 of the top 100 books they've printed.

• Look at the list and bold those you have read.
• Mark in blue those you intend to read.
• Mark in RED the books you LOVE.
  
• Reprint this list in your own blog.
• Having seen the movie/cartoon/TV series is not the same as having read the book.

Presenting....My list!

1. The Lord of the Rings, JRR Tolkien
2. Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
3. His Dark Materials, Philip Pullman
4. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams
5. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, JK Rowling
6. To Kill a Mockingbird, Harper Lee
7. Winnie the Pooh, AA Milne
8. Nineteen Eighty-Four, George Orwell
9. The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, CS Lewis
10. Jane Eyre, Charlotte Brontë
11. Catch-22, Joseph Heller
12. Wuthering Heights, Emily Brontë
13. Birdsong, Sebastian Faulks
14. Rebecca, Daphne du Maurier
15. The Catcher in the Rye, JD Salinger
16. The Wind in the Willows, Kenneth Grahame
17. Great Expectations, Charles Dickens
18. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott
19. Captain Corelli's Mandolin, Louis de Bernieres
20. War and Peace, Leo Tolstoy
21. Gone with the Wind, Margaret Mitchell
22. Harry Potter And The Philosopher's Stone, JK Rowling
23. Harry Potter And The Chamber Of Secrets, JK Rowling
24. Harry Potter And The Prisoner Of Azkaban, JK Rowling
25. The Hobbit, JRR Tolkien
26. Tess Of The D'Urbervilles, Thomas Hardy
27. Middlemarch, George Eliot
28. Prayer For Owen Meany, John Irving
29. The Grapes Of Wrath, John Steinbeck
30. Alice's Adventures In Wonderland, Lewis Carroll
31. The Story Of Tracy Beaker, Jacqueline Wilson
32. One Hundred Years Of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
33. The Pillars Of The Earth, Ken Follett
34. David Copperfield, Charles Dickens
35. Charlie And The Chocolate Factory, Roald Dahl
36. Treasure Island, Robert Louis Stevenson
37. Town Like Alice, Nevil Shute
38. Persuasion, Jane Austen
39. Dune, Frank Herbert
40. Emma, Jane Austen
41. Anne Of Green Gables, LM Montgomery
42. Watership Down, Richard Adams
43. The Great Gatsby, F Scott Fitzgerald
44. The Count Of Monte Cristo, Alexandre Dumas
45. Brideshead Revisited, Evelyn Waugh
46. Animal Farm, George Orwell
47. Christmas Carol, Charles Dickens
48. Far From The Madding Crowd, Thomas Hardy
49. Goodnight Mister Tom, Michelle Magorian
50. The Shell Seekers, Rosamunde Pilcher
51. The Secret Garden, Frances Hodgson Burnett
52. Of Mice And Men, John Steinbeck
53. The Stand, Stephen King
54. Anna Karenina, Leo Tolstoy
55. Suitable Boy, Vikram Seth
56. The BFG, Roald Dahl
57. Swallows And Amazons, Arthur Ransome
58. Black Beauty, Anna Sewell
59. Artemis Fowl, Eoin Colfer
60. Crime And Punishment, Fyodor Dostoyevsky
61. Noughts And Crosses, Malorie Blackman
62. Memoirs Of A Geisha, Arthur Golden
63. Tale Of Two Cities, Charles Dickens
64. The Thorn Birds, Colleen McCollough
65. Mort, Terry Pratchett
66. The Magic Faraway Tree, Enid Blyton
67. The Magus, John Fowles
68. Good Omens, Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman
69. Guards! Guards!, Terry Pratchett
70. Lord Of The Flies, William Golding
71. Perfume, Patrick Süskind
72. The Ragged Trousered Philanthropists, Robert Tressell
73. Night Watch, Terry Pratchett
74. Matilda, Roald Dahl
75. Bridget Jones's Diary, Helen Fielding
76. The Secret History, Donna Tartt
77. The Woman In White, Wilkie Collins
78. Ulysses, James Joyce
79. Bleak House, Charles Dickens
80. Double Act, Jacqueline Wilson
81. The Twits, Roald Dahl
82. Capture The Castle, Dodie Smith
83. Holes, Louis Sachar
84. Gormenghast, Mervyn Peake
85. The God Of Small Things, Arundhati Roy
86. Vicky Angel, Jacqueline Wilson
87. Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
88. Cold Comfort Farm, Stella Gibbons
89. Magician, Raymond E Feist
90. On The Road, Jack Kerouac
91. The Godfather, Mario Puzo
92. The Clan Of The Cave Bear, Jean M Auel
93. The Colour Of Magic, Terry Pratchett
94. The Alchemist, Paulo Coelho
95. Katherine, Anya Seton
96. Kane And Abel, Jeffrey Archer
97. Love In The Time Of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
98. Girls In Love, Jacqueline Wilson
99. The Princess Diaries, Meg Cabot
100. Midnight's Children, Salman Rushdie

I tag whoever wants to be tagged.

and W stands for working, really?

It's been almost a week since I started going to work- and yes, it still feels weird to say that. I'll be lying if I say that I'm fully aware of the change. It feels like something's changed, but I don't know what. When I'm there, I feel like I'm in a distant world, and I'm not really in control of my actions. Now, that can't be a good thing, you say. I'll get real enough there, as soon as my brain adjusts to functioning in a colder environment, my head adjusts to the coffee, my butt, to sitting for long hours, and my mind, to growing up.

Work's been fun, for the most part- I went in with more warning than anything else. The really cool part about starting work is that people remember and wish you and message you and call you- it's overwhelming. It's also a brilliant reminder of this new phase in life, I suppose. I like how Akaash put it on the first day, 'The first day of the rest of our lives'. I got a lot of gyaan- don't expect anything, keep your senses open, be open to working hard, smile a lot, avoid dressing for social suicide, never go in without checking your teeth for gunk somewhere- and most of it was useful, I'll admit. But the only advice I'd give anyone would be to look at the positive side of things- and that starts early as hell, I suppose. Typically, you should start looking at the positive side of things from day numero uno in your life, but If you can't, you should really learn to identify the positives, like I am. Because there are a lot, believe me. And it's almost sad if you don't see it sometimes.

So yes, it's been crazy, I'm sleep deprived, my diet's flown away and I can only manage a tired smile by the end of the day, and work hasn't even started.
But I'm loving it, folks, because I'm growing up, I'm learning, I'm growing to understand myself better, and work is the best lesson in people you'll ever get. People can really surprise you, and when they do, it's like BOOM!
I'm also more aware of all the mad awesomeness in the world, the analysis that goes behind every little thing there is. I'm also growing increasingly resistant to temperature change- that can only be looked at as a good thing. I'm learning how to remember names, I'm learning how to remember acronyms, and I'm learning how to make coffee from coffee machines. Well, sort of.

This is me, signing off- Miss Waiting for Weekends (I think), Miss I hate travel, Miss Whole-new-wake-up-call-to-myself, Miss Finally, finally, growing up (I think, again.) For all those of you who still haven't worked somewhere, it can be a very humbling, interesting, and sometimes amusing experience. Amusing because you'll only be amused at yourself, if you're anything like me. For those of you who have, tell me which is the best place for wrinkle free clothes, because all the ironing is driving me nuts, peeps.

I hereby tag Akaash to post anything. Anything.

Somewhere a clock is ticking

We're always looking forward in life, aren't we? That next job, that new place, that new life. That thing we want, that person we want, that person we want to be. This thing, that thing. We're always looking ahead, because our eyes are programmed to see that way- in front.

But this video a bunch of us recently made for Sutta made me realise that I may be too busy looking ahead to look back. I'm always looking for something else, never truly getting the worth of what I have right then. I might be having the best time ever, and I'm too busy trying to find a BETTER time, trying to find a better place, trying to find what I THINK I want to truly sit back and enjoy it. I'm too busy running ahead to look back over my shoulder.

But when I do, all I see is perfect. I didn't know it at the time, but in hindsight, everything went just as it was meant to go; it doesn't matter if it was according to plan. Everyday was filled with the best I could've asked for. And yes, I've an imovie to prove it. An imovie to remind me that regret is but a trivial part in life- it has no spot in the bigger picture. The bigger picture is filled primarily with the good times. Kingfisher got that one very, very right.

If only I'd made an imovie before. I miss everything, everything I never realised was perfect at the time, perfect in a way that I'd never imagined. I guess all I'm trying to say is that you might think that all you want for life to begin is for something to end- say college, school, hostel, project, exams. Ho Hum, guess what- you've been living life all along. Yes, life IS what happens when we're busy making plans. The good life is the 'in the middle', the filler, the general, the regular. The regular is what will bring laughter and smiles and SIX hours of joy in making a video of your life in a few years. We thought that was a lot to begin with, but can you compress all the happiness (that you didn't even know existed) of Four years in Six hours? You can't. You can barely take out a slice.

Moral of the post? Your parents were right all along (SHOCKING, I know). You'll look back on your life one day, just like me, and hopefully, you'll also find that it lacked in nothing. Retrospect is key to getting that. Things may suck, things may burn, things may go to hell, things may not go according to plan.

You'll curse and swear and cry and hate and in the end, all you'll remember is the love.

Somewhere, a clock is ticking. Ticking too fast, ticking away. I didn't even hear it for so long, and I'll stop hearing it soon enough, because I will be living. As will everyone else.
And the cycle shall repeat.....

The Gift

One of the phrases I hated most when I was growing up (STILL feels weird to say that, I'm still growing up!) was "rose-tinted glasses". Everyone at home thought that I had them on, all the time. Come down to earth, and throw away those glasses, they'd say. I lived in a dreamy haze, where everything was great, everything was fabulous. Yes, it's true- I didn't really understand things like pain, suffering, evil.

And then, just like they said, I took away those glasses. Shattered them for a brand new pair, one that gleamed of practicality, supposed good sense and clarity of thought. One that I thought I'd always wanted. One that I thought would get me through life better.

And now, I find that the rose-tinted ones are probably better.

How many times have we resented our lives for being incomplete? How many times have we wished we had certain things, trivial things. They may not seem trivial to us, but in the grand scheme of things? I know I look back on so many events in school and wonder why certain things mattered to me that much. How many times have we wanted something, only to have someone point out that we actually DO have a lot going for us? How many times, have we cribbed and detested things about our lives? Quite a few, atleast in my case.

Ironically, what opened my eyes was a visually challenged boy I met recently. I was his scribe for his exams, and at the end of it all, I don't know who needed more examination- him, or me. I basically got to go to his college, write exams there and in the process, I happened to see how every tiny little thing is different. Sure, it was remarkable, how he was coping, how he was succeeding, even. But to a great extent, I realized the sheer magnitude of the everyday gifts we have. Tiny, almost miniscule ones- from being able to cross the road, to knowing which direction to turn exactly when someone calls you. From being able to sit and study with friends, to playing lagori and round-robin table tennis. From being able to see how good someone's chicken steak looks, to seeing someone's outfit. From being able to comment on an ad or movie, to being able to drive. From being able to be completely and totally independent, to being able to see pictures of people you miss. From having the potential to do almost ANYTHING, to just as easily, helping others reach their potential.

We truly have it all. We can experience everything we want to, remember what we want to, believe what we want to. We've practically nothing standing in our way, unless you look at rocks on the way as walls. Yes, folks...most of us have no major setbacks, nothing pulling us apart, nothing freezing our senses. We, quite literally, have a license to live in every way we can. And still, most of us don't.

And this is how we should view the world, ideally. Through the rose tint, where everything is ours and we don't need anything more. If a visually challenged boy can finish a degree, use a laptop, catch a bus and do SO much more, why do I sit and complain about all the perfection that exists around me? I'm embarrassed about the entire section on this blog that has the tag "How can you not vent?". Because the question, really, is, How can you, possibly?

I'm sure I'll go back, at some point, to having issues with things, wishing, wanting, needing more, a lot more. It's called being human, and being flawed. But it helps once in a while to step back and see the enormous pile of gifts we have in comparison to so many others, I guess. It's like everyday is my birthday.
And I barely celebrate.

Here's to the happy tint, a good dose of being grateful, P.O.S.I.T.I.V.I.T.Y (sutta, are you smiling?), less cribbing ( a lot more people, are you smiling?) and to the gift. The gift that we all have, of opportunity. (Sound- :) ) And to people who think I'm getting too philosophical with the post- it will happen to you too someday!

In school, we had this assembly regularly with thoughts and speeches made by students, and surprisingly, in all my 14 years there, I remember only one saying from one speech- and it wasn't even my own (adt, you will remember this too).

The past is history,
The future's a mystery
and the present is a gift- that's why they call it the present.

The Life Excuse

We've all heard it, in some form. "Life is short". This, dear readers, is the perfect excuse to do a lot of things, ranging from Bungee jumping and dating to doing a course in animation or bar-tending. Life is short. It's a perfectly valid excuse to really live it, and it goes beyond being an excuse- it becomes a reason. We should all walk on ice, flirt with danger, fight fire with fire atleast once in our lives. Just to know what it feels like, or why we shouldn't. Living is about the experience.

A website I happened to read about in last week's TIME magazine seems to have taken the Life Excuse a bit too far, in my opinion. I'm talking about the Ashley Madison Agency, that was established in 2001, with the sole purpose of allowing people to have and enjoy affairs the way they were meant to be- secret. "Life is short. Have an affair", they say. They seem to have some sort of guarantee on this- especially since the applications are loaded on phone browsers that leave no trace of anything. It is also supposedly the most successful site capitalizing on extra-marital affairs, according to the article in TIME magazine. Read it, here.

Presenting, Mr. Hypocrite of the month (and extendible to MUCH longer), CEO Noel Biderman. Here's an excerpt from TIME magazine - "Humans aren't meant to be monogamous," he says. So would this free-thinking CEO mind if his own wife used his site? "I would be devastated," he says.


I'd love to know what Ashley Madison users think of THAT! While Biderman is (supposedly) happily married, the rest of you lead wretched lives filled with lying, suspicion and (hopefully) guilt. I'm sure the thrills and frills of your affairs are oh-so-fabulous, and there's no discounting that. But, life is short, have an affair? Really? Then why are you married, Biderman, and why would you be devastated if your wife had an affair? Doesn't the same logic apply to her too?

No, because you're a pathetic, infinite curse-worthy hypocrite who wants to live the win-lose situation. Everyone else will lose, because, let's face it, either they'll caught some other way or the guilt and the lying will give them away. Electronic tracing isn't the only way to find out if someone's having an affair. There are a lot more signs- and getting caught isn't all that impossible. So while you sit back with your wife and relax in the knowledge that you live in security, you're acting like some sick pervert prophet who just wants to see society fall apart in front of you. If human beings aren't meant to be monogamous, as you claim, why are you an exception? I know they aren't, but human beings cannot be used as walking-talking-living toys for your ventures either. Clearly, that statement is something you learnt up from some footnote or book summary as an attempt to justify your lousy way of living.

There's a great example of a creep who is using other people's desire to make his own money. He doesn't care if you're life seems short, long, fun or dull. He wants to make his cold, hard cash, and people are falling prey to his pathetic lure. You want to have an affair, fine, it's your life, but don't let this waste of skin profit from that financially. How do you know he doesn't read your messages from his servers? How do you know he doesn't have a profile on his own web-site? If his services really do make an affair hard to trace, how do we know that both him AND his wife aren't cheating on each other? I hope all these are untrue, but you may never know. After reading this article, I really can't expect much better from people. Can you?

And yes, if only I was even marginally better at coding, Mr Biderman, I'd write applications to trace your servers and locate your profile and others' messages and MAKE SURE that those messages are sent directly to every spouse's inbox. Not because of the havoc it will cause those people, but because of the havoc it will cause YOU. I cannot bear to see you succeed in the trail of other people's desires that you encourage in the first place, while being the biggest hypocrite of all time. Atleast live the affair-filled life you're preaching; then I might have a pinch of regard for your honesty.

Really, I'd love to use my brains and my degree to bring you down.
Heck, maybe I will.

Get lucky

It was a nice, relaxed evening, and after we all had dinner, we went back to doing our own thing. I'm talking about my family, at home. I went back to my computer, so did almost everyone else. My folks started flipping channels on the good old TV, and this is practically a ritual. I would've done just about anything and gone to bed, except now my folks were calling me down with a great deal of excitement. Come, see, help, they said.

This particular channel had put up this picture of some headless celebrity wearing a snake-like diamond necklace, very choker-esque. I'd vaguely seen it somewhere before, and I guessed a bunch of names. All of us had vaguely seen it somewhere before. No prizes for guessing what the deal was- We had to guess the celebrity. But just getting through the line would mean you'd won 2500 Rupees, and guessing correctly- 50,000.

Yes, you read right. It is THAT much.

Now, we quickly moved from denial to confusion to excitement. I mean, come on! That's almost like distributing money! We even went beyond hazarding a few guesses, we googled it (GOD BLESS GOOGLE AND THE INTERNET) and found out who she was. There. Now, it was just a question of getting through.

You think we didn't know what a facade this was? We did. The channel happily aired footage of people calling, and guessing the worst guesses possible. We knew it was all fake, because our celeb is SO high profile that no one can miss her. No, really. A million phone calls, all of them guessing everyone but her, and in my country, she's one of the best known celebs around. There's NO WAY someone would miss her. So, this was a facade. A nice, big devilish money making scheme.

And the best part? Educated people like us who fully understand what a scheme the whole thing is STILL call anyway. Knowing that this is just a way for them to make millions of rupees while we try to get hold of 50,000. Knowing that all those calls on the screen were fake; we were never going to get through. Knowing that there wasn't a chance.

And yet, we did. Why? Because that's what we all want, deep down inside. We all want luck. It doesn't matter if it's packaged in a vial, a question, a lucky dip, a facade game show. We all want a strange yet delirious twist of fate to happily deposit riches and happiness into our laps, while we sit around and wait.

Wait, knowing that there isn't a chance. Wait, thinking that someone has to win. Wait, because we know someone who just happened to get lucky.
Wait, because we want to, too.

And that wait, that want, that need is the basis for SO many industries. We feed it. We clothe it, we want it, we create that demand.
And in this world of ups and downs, there's truly only one thing that we want. Our recession-proof desire. Luck. You think this desire increases only when we're going through bad times? Wake up and smell the freshly minted money from all this, folks. No matter how hard we work, no matter how much we try NOT to depend on it, we do.

And in my books, that dependence is vindicated.

In with the new

We all do a total 180, sometime or the another, on something. Going from a NO to a YES, going from why to why not, from aren't you out of your mind?!!..to you'd be crazy NOT to try this! I know I have. So, here we go..the things that were a total 180 degree pullout for me in the recent past..

• Radiohead. Shocking as it is, there was a time, years and years ago, (when I was even more hopelessly immature) that I once actually laughed at OK Computer. Both the album name, and the songs in it. Needless to say, I was a stupid infant then, and thankfully, good sense has prevailed.
• Sarees. I recently even bought TWO! Why, because, when the need arises, you have to buy them. I've actually started appreciating prints..spending time in a saree shop is less DEATH to me now.
• Pink- The colour. I once hated, despised, loathed, even, pink, yes, just like you, silverstreak, and did a total 180 on this when I saw this dull pink bag in Gucci and..there was no turning back. The artist- Loved, all along.
• Great indian Epics. At one point I thought- what could be more boring than reading the Mahabharat? Trust me, a lot. I've started reading some super condensed version (I shock my own self) and it is actually highly entertaining. Besides, most of your Indian friends will have names from there. No kidding. Mine do. Makes for some pretty 'interesting' trivia.
• South Indian Food. From Yuck, to yummy in my tummy. My mom says I am finally growing up and accepting my identity like a normal human being, I attribute this to the HORRID food (other cuisines) i've eaten outside sometimes. It suddenly made me love south indian food. Go figure. I still don't dig Idlis, though.
• Priyanka Chopra. Attributed to dostana, even though she wasn't much of an actress in it. I couldn't stand her before, and now I think that although she can't act, she fulfils the bollywood hype and expectation of looking amazing without looking like a fake painted doll, and i've never seen someone wear a saree with NO jewellery and still look stunning.
• Rain. Yes, I hated rain once. Simply because, on my way home from school, it would end up being a long, cold walk. Now, I can't get enough of it.
• Tea. I'm still in the I-love-coffee club, here, but Tea is GOOD. And I have stopped discounting that. Especially elaichi tea.
• Strawberries. From weird to D.E.L.I.C.I.O.U.S.
• Dating. I used to have very different ideas on dating, which, for various reasons, I will not post here. I've changed, that's all you need to know. (Some people may remember the ridiculous.."If two people like each other...")
• Editorials in newspapers. From Why are they here to Why did I miss out on years of reading them?
• Peanuts. The comic. Yes, you probably are a die-hard Calvin and Hobbes fan too, but peanuts is really good. You should try it. If you already like it, why didn't you tell me sooner?!
• Plays. I didn't like plays and theatre once. When I was young (read: stupid) I know. Ridiculous. Now, I'd happily watch a play every night of the week.
• Weddings. Now, I love them. The really well done ones. With great food and lots of dancing and company, that is. Earlier, it was such a snoozefest.

Feel free to contribute, or let me know if you post something in parallel- Will link!

Emma- What?!

What, and wow! This isn't my feeble attempt at trying to be these girls- They do their job phenomenally well, so I'm not even going to try. For anyone who's yet to experience the awesomeness of GoFugYourself, you should- it is the BEST way to spend time, cheer up, gossip- and hell knows most girls love gossip. Make that ALL.

But I saw that picture and couldn't help myself. I HAD to post about this. I mean, just LOOK at her again, will you?! She looks fabulous! What an incredible example of great marketing, really, I mean, for one, she has such a different image compared to most of the party girls, a nice squeaky-clean image that makes her interesting simply because she isn't ALL over the place. She makes signature brands like burberry appeal to the young and the fabulous, heck, even normal everyday-on-the-road-people like me are aching, yes, ACHING to buy this bag now. It looks fab, she looks fab, her hair looks fab, she knows how to pose, she looks so wonderfully sophisticated and british, and man, has this kid grown up or what?!

Somebody please buy me this bag. Clue:- my birthday, coming up!

What do you all think? Love it, hate it, ignore it?

Stay and leave

There are two questions we always subconsciously ask ourselves- Where do we really want to go, and would we have liked to get here differently? We never realise it, but it is always there, ubiquitous, soaked in every decision we ever make, every thing we contemplate. Some of us, like, me, even wonder how we got here. Worse, should we stay in the same place, on the same road? I know that between the ages of 16 and now, somewhere, somehow, I lost track of things. Sure, when I did high school, I vaguely chose this path, of science and engineering. But why? That, I can never answer. I should've realised back then that it wasn't my cup of tea, heck, it wasn't even my VIEW of the cup of tea. I should've realised that the very fact that I was struggling with it meant that I shouldn't do it. But no, oh no no no, somehow, in this weird mind of mine, I figured that I was just about learning how to swim- and once I finished, it would be easy.

Little did I understand that learning how to swim is a totally different thing from living in the 'swimming pool' i'd chosen for eighty percent of my time. Because right now, that's what I think I will be doing. I did a degree in a course that I assumed would interest me, but guess what- It didn't. On the contrary, it made me hate 'swimming' and anything associated with it. Now, I shudder at the very sight of the swimming pool, and more at the thought of me being in it all the time. Suddenly, swimming doesn't seem fun. Swimming suddenly equals chore.

Maybe it isn't my fault, I keep telling myself. Maybe I WASN'T supposed to know back then, what I would really want in life. Maybe I was supposed to make this mistake. Mistake number two- I've been spending SO much time staring at the 'swimming' pool in dismay, I've totally forgotten that the time frame of trying to do something else has crept up on me and is soon going to leave. And here I am, unable to comprehend, confused about where to begin, still clutching my wet, chlorine-infused swimming trunks.

Sometimes I want to stay, and sometimes I want to leave. There are perks of staying and leaving, both, but I cannot go the rest of my life knowing what it is like on the other side. I've 'stayed' here, all my life. I want to get out, go, see the world, read the OTHER chapters. Try the OTHER sports. Live anOTHER life.

I know I'm not alone. There are people who've made decisions, and left, and now think differently than they used to- like Radhika. There are people like silverstreak, who have a love-hate relationship with everything they've done. There's perplexed, who doesn't want to be perplexed about what she wants anymore. They are all fantastic people, and those links will take you to fantastic posts. It's both comforting and scary, the fact that I've company. Is it normal for so many of us to feel this way? Or is it scary that SO many of us don't know what we really want? I guess we, as humans, can never be satisfied, even if we actually do end up doing what we like. To make things worse, in India atleast, the education system expects you to sort of figure out what you want reasonably early in life. Too early, in my case.

I guess, in the end, I do love a LOT of why I've stayed, and maybe to love it more, I have to leave. Time will creep up on me, like it does for everyone, but I guess I will have to find the confidence and sheer guts to pull my own self out of my comfort zone. I've made a lot of friends along the way, in the swimming pool, and they were the reason I even survived there. But I can't rely on other people to get me through my choices every single time, can I?

I suppose it's time to get out, time to leaf through the pages of some other sport, time to get a life. I'd change a lot of things about how I got here, but I'm guessing that even if I did, I'd probably want the things I've now found along the way. I have to go out and atleast attempt to leave, to get a different life. It may be exactly what I wanted, or it may be what I totally didn't bargain for.

But I can't go the rest of my life without knowing which.

The end of an era

I have SO much to do right now. But Guess what?

I am now an engineer. Yeah, that's right. I'm yet another techie from India, I will also be working in a software-based job position, and yeah, I did B.E Information Science which is sort of like Computer Science in most ways. And yes, I know how cliche it all is.

But I DID IT!! I did something I don't even like all that much (Why, is a different post) and I did it well! You know how hard it is to do something you don't like? No? Well, do that. Throw yourself out of your comfort zone and happy zone and do something you DON'T want to do.

Then tell me how easy it is.

Anyway, so I did something I don't even like, and WELL!! Sure, there were setbacks and rollercoasters and tears and jumps and crazy moments and fear and loathing and happiness and in the end I did it! You're looking at ~R~, B.E!

I don't even care what anyone thinks. Maybe it's not a great achievement, like recording an album or writing a book. It isn't anything to be famous for. But it's four long hard painful and not-fun-ever-academically years of a degree that I now feel proud for getting, simply because it never figured in my dream list of things I'd like to do. It was never my dream to wonder about how I'd feel on this day. I never thought I'd even write a post on this, heck!

But I now know that if I can do something I don't even like well enough, after a setback, forcing that kind of commitment to study things I hate, then I can do anything.

And that, THAT, is powerful stuff, folks.

Congratulations to everyone who graduated from VTU today, particularly Silverstreak, Perplexed, Akaash, and everyone else I've forgotten to mention in the blogosphere and pat yourselves on the back, you all, for it has been one unbelievable ride.

Picture Courtesy treehugger.com. It didn't tell me about the copyright clearly, and I'm sorry if this is copyright infringement. It is a great picture, though.

Sweet tweet

So..I love twitter. Unlike a whole bunch of twitter fans, I didn't really take much to it in the beginning. What was the point, I thought. You have a status message on Facebook, you have e-mail. You have SO many blogs, so many social networking sites. Why yet another one that allows you to say something, in, heck, only so many characters?

Well, it all boils down to simplicity. And that's something I know I crave. Facebook changes, all the time. There are now SO many applications (don't get me wrong, I love them). But sometimes, it sort of takes away from the need to say certain things, get certain answers, be in a certain place. That's something you'll get only on twitter. It's simple. It's smart. It's lightning fast. It's the easiest way to quickly and continuously say something. If we were all on twitter, we wouldn't really need anything else to actually keep up with each other's lives on a daily basis. It's as simple as that.

What was extra amazing was that one of my tweets were "What GMAT books do I buy? Help." And by the next day, The Princeton Review was following me on twitter! Ditto for this company I'm going to be working for soon, they're following me on twitter too! It's a nice, simple, elegant interface.

Facebook and twitter have now both become about different things, in my opinion. Facebook is great for people who have time on their hands, but twitter is effective for those who can't be bothered with who won how Texas Hold 'em or who thinks you're the most dateable on your friends list. We need these things to keep in touch with people and know what they're upto, and somewhere down the line, other applications have lost focussed sight of that. Twitter hasn't, yet. Which is why you should use it if you still don't, and why I hope it stays that way.

Not-so-candid camera

It's been a while since I last posted, hasn't it? Anyway, for those of you who have been reading, the angst has given way to a whole load of Blah. College is over, I am now a graduate and a lot of things are changing, and changing real fast. But this post is not about that. I've decided to hurl myself right back in the swirl of things by telling you a little something about my most recent vacation.

Now, a vacation is synonymous with photographs. If you don't believe me, just head on over to facebook and see what I mean. Pictures of road trips, weekend getaways, hell, even a midnight car ride to the airport. They're all there. Everyone wants to capture important, not-so-important, valid, drunk, happy, funny, gorgeous, embarrassing moments and everyone almost always does.

I just went to Kabini, which is this incredible place in Karnataka right at the edge of Nagarhole, or what is also known as the Rajiv Gandhi National Park. So this place is basically well known for wildlife, and a host of resorts have opened up around the river, which is a nice well-fed tributary of the Kaveri. We stayed at Jungle Lodges, in a nice cute little cottage right on the river bank. It was all very charming and calming and I spent a good deal of time chilling on the super-wide hammock and climbing the nice big net across many trees.

We took a lot of pictures, but there were a few amazing moments in particular where I was far too busy enjoying the moment to even fish out my camera. Now, I'm a huge fan of the environment, wildlife, forests, nature, and all that, so I tend to fade out and sort of drink in the surroundings in this very sleepy, happy way. However, these memories are stuck in my head, so I doubt I'll need pictures, really.

*Scene 1*

A jeep was slowly inching its way up to a small herd of elephants around the watering hole in the forest. The herd consisted of five wild Asian elephants, all happy with their flapping ears (now the happy is entirely my assumption). They didn't seem too bothered by the jeep at first, but, man being man, he just HAS to push it. I suppose the people in the jeep got rather excited and the jeep went quite close to the herd. There was this absolutely ADORABLE baby elephant there, too.

Too close.

The uncle (presumably) suddenly charged after the jeep, practically pushing it away. This was sort of unexpected for everyone, and we could only watch from our jeep as the elephant actually chased the jeep the hell out of there. Talk about adaptation. It was way cool, really, to watch an elephant do that. Go, elephant!

Would've been neat to have a video of that, though.

*Scene 2*

Two elephants and a baby elephant go swimming. The baby can barely keep its head above water, but it manages to, as elephants are supposedly born swimmers. Then they all come out of the water, baby in between. It truly is a sight, a baby elephant butt in between two elephant butts, all walking in unison.

*Scene 3*

Tiger, the beast of the forest, pacing across the bank of the watering hole.

Silence, everywhere, and not another creature in sight.

Wildlife is about experience. There's no point just reading about it, or watching documentaries about it. Those are nice, sure. But experiencing it first hand is something else.

What photographs did you wish you'd taken? (doesn't have to be about wildlife!)

See how it has really begun

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

At this rate, I'm going to start truly hating some people. *refer previous post titled 'Over to the Dark Side'.*

When you've got TWO ranting posts one straight after the other, and your actual intent is actually to write about things you ponder about, not silly things like this, you know you're in trouble.

People can be complex. People can be aloof. People can mind their own business and not give a tiny hoot about you. People can be difficult.

All that I can handle.

But when people are smug, people smirk inside their heads and you can hear it outside, people try and act like they're not doing anything that will hurt you, and worst of all, people can be totally, totally inconsiderate, literally peeing their ego about all over the place like the alpha wolf, then they really deserve a slap in the face.
Unfortunately, no one really does that.

I'm struggling to contain myself, but I'm really not going to say more. I think the nice me is tugging at my strings now. She's saying, shh! Shut up, and it'll go away.

It had better.

Over to The Dark Side

Okay, so the title is an exaggeration. It really is. But I'm in a dramatic frame of mind, and rightly so.

I'm changing, and I can feel it.

Me changing is something that happens quite often, but never with such noticeable implications, you know? Normally I myself don't realise that I've changed. It usually happens in this very sneaky manner, and only when the change is complete do I go 'Whoa!'

But not this time.

Maybe I should start at the beginning. But I don't feel like, I feel like going in reverse and that, again, is not me. Normally I like starting with the prologue, the introduction, and then bring gently to the present. But now I feel like shouting it out from the rooftops, starting in reverse, screaming things out from my lungs simply because I cannot be my own secret-keeper anymore. I feel like getting to the point, and I will. Here goes.

I am finally, finally, not the nicest person in the world, anymore.

Whew. That's all, you ask? Weren't you rude before?
Well, No. Not in the true sense of the word anyway.

Really. I didn't say much about people behind their backs. Hardly. The only people I'd ever hated were the ones that had actually done things to genuinely hurt me. Genuinely. Even then, I'd still give them one last chance. Maybe two. Maybe three. It would've taken a LOT for me to tell someone to actually get lost. Don't get me wrong here, it's not like I cannot use actual expletives! But It took a lot for me to dislike someone, and I usually had concrete reasons. I was never the sort of person who didn't like anyone just because I felt like that person gave me these 'bad vibes' that everyone talks about. I never judged on the first meeting. I'd taught myself that everyone deserves a few chances.

But no longer.

Now, I get irritated by the smallest, tiniest things. People's flaws have been blown bigger by this invisible magnifying glass above themselves, and its an instrument I'm finding hard to ignore. I'm not perfect and I'm full of flaws myself, and I know that, but suddenly I've become more aware of others' than my own. Never before have I felt the urge to call up friends and crib and bitch for hours about some small thing that happened to me because of what someone said. Never before have I felt resentment towards people because of the little things. Never before, have I been unable to let things go. The little things.

*This has nothing to do with my previous post, for those who've read it. *

Funnily enough, I think some other people are changing, too. Check this post out, if you don't believe me. I read that and couldn't stop smiling..it was almost as if the reverse had happened to perplexed. Ditto with Ping.

I don't know if this a natural course that I needed to take in life, I don't know if it's because people eventually get tired of trying to be nice, and I don't know if this is an outcome of circumstance. But for the first time, I'm not so tired anymore. I'm not so tired of putting up with things. I either get myself out of situations or bitch or make it clear that I won't. And I think I like not being that tired, I really do.

Sure, I miss the old me. The old me gave people the benefit of the doubt, nearly every single time. The old me would've been easier to like, I suppose. Should I go back to the old me? I don't know, but I'm not sure that change is even under my control, anymore. I mean, it feels good to get even minor annoyances out in the open. It feels great to express disgust, to express irritation, to express how infuriated things make me feel. It's such a relief, really.

The old me still partially exists, because she's the one writing this right now. The new me wouldn't care enough to. The new me wouldn't even care to analyse the difference because she's happy enough with herself.

It's like two different people inside me, and I'm excited to see who pulls what strings....

This post is dedicated to two people who are probably heralding this change as the bright shining sun in not only my life but theirs, adt and Ping! And to Firefox, who I know will love me anyway.

Little things

What makes and breaks a relationship? I'm sure everyone's pondered the answer to that question at some point in their lives, regardless of the number of relationships they've been in. What brings people together and what takes them apart? Are they two different things? Are they two sides of the same thing?
Worse, are they both...the same things?

I've asked a lot of people this, people who've been successful at handling their relationship, people who haven't, people who've never been in a relationship and people who have and hence don't want to anymore. I've got a lot of responses, but none of them were answers. No, really, no one knows the answer to this one. I'm sure psychologists don't either, because then they'd all have the most successful relationships on the planet, and I know for a fact that that is not the case. If someone figured out the answer to this one, he'd have figured out what can effectively be seen as the secret to life. People all over the world would have their problem solved, a ubiquitous problem at that.

All I could get, however, were that a shocking majority of people said that it was the little things that finally did it. The little things not only brought them together, but it also took them apart. The very same things, apparently. They finally get to you. 'You assume life is all about these big things', someone once said to me. 'You hold up a trough together with all these rocks and suddenly the little rocks start falling through the holes, creating more space for the big ones to fall, and before you know it, you've got an empty trough with two angry people fighting to throw it at each other.'

The little things. The teensy, tiny little things. That get to you.

the way you dance to that beat
the way you obsess about things
the way you drink. the way you eat
the way you sing.
the way you look when you sleep
the way you lie
the way you lose things. the way you keep.
the way you cry.
the way you love pretense
the way you lack respect, too.
they way you treat others, and hence
the way others treat you.
the way you think you know it all
the way you start to joke
the way you can't handle a fall
the way you're broke.
the way you cannot do what I like anymore
even though you used to
the way you complain when you're sore
and while I'm still trying, too.
the way you play the blame-game
the way you are with my friends
the way you act tame
the way you react when you're tense
the way you are about PDA
the way you give me space
the way you talk, the way you say
the way you greet. your face.
the way you love. the way you think
the way you judge, gauge.
the way you're always on the brink
the way you change.

I wonder if it's true. What do you think?

I hate the way you make my rhyme

Dished out, dished out
Scoop out and thrive
Sulk, Pout. Sulk, pout.
And like this, you survive.
And all because I made the same
mistake you've always made
Because it's easier for you to shift blame
It's been a while since I've felt the fade.
I'd assumed I'd get used to it
I wish I'd thought. Halt.
things should have never been this way
You think it's all my fault.
I smile, I'm scared, inside
put myself together, grains of sand.
I pretend. Avoid. Hide.
I'm the opposite of what you planned.
While I want to change, I want to be
the person you thought I was
I am my own, and you can't see
anything beyond my flaws.
Grab away, your pride above
every low I've pushed to reach
Maybe you've forgot the meaning of love
and you're too stubborn to let me teach.
So what should I do? Leave you alone
for all this to go nowhere?
Circles, circles, hushed deep tones
and I hate that it's so unfair.
because all I did, and all i want
is for you to give a little damn
i can't do more. I can't.
but I'll try even more, that's who I am.
So while you live your own world
of the things that I don't do right
All I can do, is sleep on it, curled
and pray that you won't bite.
Maybe someday you'll get how much
I tried, but you didn't budge
I don't think you'll ever see it now, as such
Dished out, shallow, the judge.
So I did what I always do, I wrote
something cheesy to get if off my mind
and strangely enough, its working. I hope.
Stand up. Shut up. Rewind.

The Jackalope Philosophies

After the rain comes the sunshine, they say. I've always loved both equally, but you've gotta admit- sunshine makes you feel happier doesn't it? No? Well, it certainly makes me feel that way. Not the sickening heat, but a clear, happy day.

Today started off badly..I had this unsettling feeling in my stomach when I tried installing a new version of kubuntu myself. I'd had feisty fawn for god alone knows how long, and the repositories were all so old that they'd developed fungus, I'm guessing. Nothing worked. The time had come. Out with the old, and let's usher in the new, I said to myself. The problem, however, is that I've never been any good as an usher.

Thankfully, linux-lifesaver came, and saved the day. I'm talking about none other than Punnu, who is DEFINITELY going to be the reason I will spend money on a steak at Millers, real soon. The poor (and very smart) boy managed to fix some things, but Alas! (don't you just LOVE words like Alas? Alas!) The Jaunty Jackalope managed to crash quite a few times. I don't know who looked more crestfallen then- me, or him.

But if at first you don't succeed, try, try, one more time before you nearly shoot yourself. Right? Or something to that effect. I tried one more time, and Lo Behold! (Man, you've got to love exclamatory expressions.) It worked! As you read, I am working on a somewhat stable 9.04, and firefox is working and qmake is working and it is all joy everywhere and I hope it lasts.

However, poor sutta's comp crashed after this. What saying makes for this now? Hmm...Life is a rollercoaster? It was quite a thump, really. I felt really guilty because just then I was thinking..Man, her comp has a good music collection- must take! Sigh!

Anyway, at the end of what has been a jaunty day, I can only smile, because my rusted guitar didn't give punnu tetanus, we sang, I bought a Prince squash racquet after MUCH running around, I didn't buy Vijayanthi shoes (gag moi) and at the end of the day...


I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless,but not for long
The future is coming on
I ain't happy, I'm feeling glad
I got sunshine, in a bag
I'm useless, but not for long
The future is coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on
It's coming on

You've got to love Clint Eastwood.

Me of many shades

*Narcissistic post alert..don't say that I didn't warn you!*

Over the last month, I've experienced a lot of things. Simple things that've made me change my mind about who I am and what I think of myself. I used to think that I'm a pretty complex person, one who is hard to please, really..what with me being so materialistic and impatient and what's worse by FAR is that I get bored, EASILY.

But it turns out I'm really not like that. Not all that much, anyway.

It turns out that I like simple, real-life things, too. I'd gotten very un-real, in my opinion. I'd stopped seeing the sunset everyday, and to most people that isn't such a Big deal. I get that. But to me, it is. There were basic things that made me happy, things I'd happily forgotten for a while. Things like watching the sunset from my balcony (which is a spectacular view of it), smelling the rain on dry mud, the thrill of watching morning wash over the world, the feeling of running in the rain. Nature and everyday things are pretty darn awesome. Somehow, somewhere, I was caught up in some ridiculous world where I'd forgotten that.

So for a whole month I sort of went back to who I used to be years ago. (Years years ago, because I became internet-addicted very early.) I stopped using the internet, I stopped blogging, I stopped writing. I decided to just..experience, and leave it there for once. Not go back and write about it. It was a feeling that wasn't expressed in words, wasn't put down on a webpage or a journal, but something that just stayed in my head and made me feel like something had happened. That's what they call "memories", i guess.

AYT asked me, at one point, when a bunch of us were sitting on Punnu's terrace just staring at the road and the lights at probably 3 A.M, "Don't you just wish you had your laptop right now to write about this?". Funnily enough, I didn't. I loved how I'd gotten over my dependence on this thing- I now know I'll no longer write because I need to. I'll write because I want to.

Over the last month I've gone on an awesome trek to skandagiri..I won't post about it because I've come to believe that you should go there and experience it instead. Instead of reading what I've to say about it. It was amazing in more ways than one, and I can safely say that going and doing regular things now- like clubbing, etc just seems way too boring now. I like how I'm going different things on weekends..playing paintball, learning new things, meeting new (and not) people, and I don't think I mentioned going on a bike ride after midnight, did I? I even learnt how to cook something, ran in the rain, smiled about things that I've always hated about myself. I did things that didn't involve my computer, my ipod, my phone. I grew out of that zone and I'm glad I did.

So, yes, I'm back to the materialistic things, too....But not because I have no other choice. I think I now know that to truly live, you have to do a little bit of everything, and I don't think I have a problem being a jack of all trades. Maybe he really didn't get to be the master of anyone, but that also means he got to do everything, not get bored, and have a good time doing it all.

This post is dedicated to the faithful sunset outside my window, which I just saw while I started this post.