Somewhere a clock is ticking

We're always looking forward in life, aren't we? That next job, that new place, that new life. That thing we want, that person we want, that person we want to be. This thing, that thing. We're always looking ahead, because our eyes are programmed to see that way- in front.

But this video a bunch of us recently made for Sutta made me realise that I may be too busy looking ahead to look back. I'm always looking for something else, never truly getting the worth of what I have right then. I might be having the best time ever, and I'm too busy trying to find a BETTER time, trying to find a better place, trying to find what I THINK I want to truly sit back and enjoy it. I'm too busy running ahead to look back over my shoulder.

But when I do, all I see is perfect. I didn't know it at the time, but in hindsight, everything went just as it was meant to go; it doesn't matter if it was according to plan. Everyday was filled with the best I could've asked for. And yes, I've an imovie to prove it. An imovie to remind me that regret is but a trivial part in life- it has no spot in the bigger picture. The bigger picture is filled primarily with the good times. Kingfisher got that one very, very right.

If only I'd made an imovie before. I miss everything, everything I never realised was perfect at the time, perfect in a way that I'd never imagined. I guess all I'm trying to say is that you might think that all you want for life to begin is for something to end- say college, school, hostel, project, exams. Ho Hum, guess what- you've been living life all along. Yes, life IS what happens when we're busy making plans. The good life is the 'in the middle', the filler, the general, the regular. The regular is what will bring laughter and smiles and SIX hours of joy in making a video of your life in a few years. We thought that was a lot to begin with, but can you compress all the happiness (that you didn't even know existed) of Four years in Six hours? You can't. You can barely take out a slice.

Moral of the post? Your parents were right all along (SHOCKING, I know). You'll look back on your life one day, just like me, and hopefully, you'll also find that it lacked in nothing. Retrospect is key to getting that. Things may suck, things may burn, things may go to hell, things may not go according to plan.

You'll curse and swear and cry and hate and in the end, all you'll remember is the love.

Somewhere, a clock is ticking. Ticking too fast, ticking away. I didn't even hear it for so long, and I'll stop hearing it soon enough, because I will be living. As will everyone else.
And the cycle shall repeat.....

The end of an era

I have SO much to do right now. But Guess what?

I am now an engineer. Yeah, that's right. I'm yet another techie from India, I will also be working in a software-based job position, and yeah, I did B.E Information Science which is sort of like Computer Science in most ways. And yes, I know how cliche it all is.

But I DID IT!! I did something I don't even like all that much (Why, is a different post) and I did it well! You know how hard it is to do something you don't like? No? Well, do that. Throw yourself out of your comfort zone and happy zone and do something you DON'T want to do.

Then tell me how easy it is.

Anyway, so I did something I don't even like, and WELL!! Sure, there were setbacks and rollercoasters and tears and jumps and crazy moments and fear and loathing and happiness and in the end I did it! You're looking at ~R~, B.E!

I don't even care what anyone thinks. Maybe it's not a great achievement, like recording an album or writing a book. It isn't anything to be famous for. But it's four long hard painful and not-fun-ever-academically years of a degree that I now feel proud for getting, simply because it never figured in my dream list of things I'd like to do. It was never my dream to wonder about how I'd feel on this day. I never thought I'd even write a post on this, heck!

But I now know that if I can do something I don't even like well enough, after a setback, forcing that kind of commitment to study things I hate, then I can do anything.

And that, THAT, is powerful stuff, folks.

Congratulations to everyone who graduated from VTU today, particularly Silverstreak, Perplexed, Akaash, and everyone else I've forgotten to mention in the blogosphere and pat yourselves on the back, you all, for it has been one unbelievable ride.

Picture Courtesy treehugger.com. It didn't tell me about the copyright clearly, and I'm sorry if this is copyright infringement. It is a great picture, though.

Liar, Liar

They're everywhere.

If you haven't spotted them yet, you're either one of them (which I realised only too late, that there's a very high probability of almost everyone being one of them) or you're still blissfully unaware, like I used to be. But facts are facts- people outrageously lie about their lives, especially academically, in India, and that is a huge contribution to what makes our education system so unfulfilled. Really, I think that is one of the primary reasons my education has really strayed far away from the wholesome path.
everywhere.
Honestly, there are three things that make for a great education in a great university...
1) Great students (and this is Numero Uno)
2) Great opportunity
3) Great faculty.

However, great faculty play a primary role in bringing out great students, so it gets sort of confusing as to where faculty really come in. Be assured that they are really important though.

However, Indian Kids seem to have got it all wrong. Sometimes you can't blame them- there's intense competition for very few seats in virtually any course that you wish to take- heck, its easier doing an undergraduate degree in Harvard than getting into IIT, and I've heard enough and more people tell me that it is easier to get into Wharton or Harvard (if you're blessed with work experience) than IIM. And going by the way CAT is, I can certainly see why.

But there's a vast difference between Indian students and lets say, American, or British (or any student community worldwide, for that matter.) The difference is this- Indian students just don't know or rather, don't want to adopt a win-win strategy. They work on "Every man for himself". Actually I'd prefer to call it "Every liar for himself."

So instead of forming proactive study groups (which is, by the way one of the top five things students do when they join college), Indian students wade through waters on their own, and they much prefer lying to their batchmates. What that is going to accomplish, I really have no idea and I probably never will. I mean, sure..we're all competing with each other but let's face it..since we never help each other, we never really learn. Ever. This is like doing a degree through correspondence. What's the point of going to an environment that's so close minded..academically, you only gain large lumps of disconnected, disfigured, mugged up pot-pourri.

That sort of explains why even after three whole years of doing a degree, many people don't know as much as they should.

There are people who help, learn, work together. There really are. But this constitutes a miniature section of the madding crowd. The rest would rather lie. If you ask me, its ridiculous. Why play down the work you do? That makes you sound like a fool who doesn't deserve what he's got. It only takes credit away from you. Worse, it makes you look like you're a cheat.

If I can pull together a couple of hours of serious work, I'm usually so happy about it that I go screaming it out from the rooftops. I don't want to hide behind some door and slog it out quiet and alone, and be treated with surprise when I accomplish something. I know I don't want people to say.."Oh, when was she even working for this? I didn't know she was that smart." I know I don't want people to say.."Oh she's a liar..she says she's out shopping but she's actually being two faced and studying."

People don't want to admit they work because it makes them look nerdy. It makes them look focussed, smart, boring.
I hope people are smart enough to realise how stupid the previous sentence was. Trust me on this, smart is all you've got working in life for you. Stupid people are even worse than smart ones. Studies have shown that Most people would rather date someone smart who's headed somewhere in life, and shows it, than someone who's a fool who discounts the worth of a good steady head.
Don't ever be incapable of intelligent conversation, really.

What I don't get is how People actually are out all the time, like they claim to be, sleeping, chilling, yadda yadda yadda and they still do better than the ones who worked and said they did. Does that mean they actually worked without telling anyone (How stupid) or their brains are genuinely better equipped (How unfair). Either way, its weird. I'm really sick of people lying all the time. "No, I don't know how to do that, really" and ta-da! They actually do, and it shows.
I swear, if I know how to do something I'll gladly teach someone before a test, just so I can prove how oh-so-smart I really am.

Anyway, everyone wants a good success story, folks. If you're ever successful, its nice for you to be able to tell people what you did to get there instead of "I did nothing really". Its not being modest, It's being stupid. People can look through you now. I know I can.

For those of you who've been honest, and helpful to your peers, I hope you continue making the education scene here a better place to be in. For those of you who don't...You know when you lie. You think being selfish and self-obsessed is the way to go.
That way won't stretch out very far.
I sure hope it doesn't anyway. Be assured that you don't have any positive chi on your side, anyway.

This was not written because of any particular instance. But do an engineering degree here and you'll know what I'm talking about.

The fifth of september, 2008

You know when good things happen to you but bad things happen to your friends? The good things just..don't seem so right anymore? uh-huh, that's right. I did pretty well in sixth sem. Well, for starters, the results came bang when we were least expecting it. Thank the sweet kind lord.

Otherwise, I'd have been in the loo and I'd have had even bigger bags under my eyes. (While we're on this..what on earth gets rid of those no-sleep circles? I've tried everything except stain remover detergent, and I really don't want to try that.)

Unfortunately, some of my friends didn't do so well. Which is purely luck based, and in many ways really unfair, if you ask me. Especially since they really did work, you know? You can't predict VTU. Ever. It will crawl up behind you and strike, before you can even respond.

So, weirdly enough, things just don't seem right, even though they are. I'm supposed to be mighty pleased with myself, but I just can't be when there are people around me that are unhappy. I really didn't think I'd ever feel this way (yeah, Us leos can be quite the selfish..well, lions.) But there's a wonderful, different kind of happiness that comes with unity. Personal Satisfaction just can't compare.

Also (and yeah, I am going to put this on my blog) it has come to my notice that students in my department were being bribed by our teachers (But of course) to spy on other students. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing ever? It makes me want to shake them up, and then shake them up some more, and then beg some NGO to give them a life. Donate a life, folks! A whole load of people in college need it!

Note: The students who were bribed, said no. (Talk about show of character and integrity. Sometimes people can really set an example. (Isn't it sad and wonderful all at the same time, how students can set examples for teachers?)

College doesn't even compare with school. My school teachers fell into one or more of the following categories:

-delightfully amusing

-delightfully charming

-delightfully hilarious

-delightfully interested

-delightfully entertaining.

I think I've pretty much made my point here.

And some, some were delightfully life-altering. It's true. They really did make a difference.

Happy Teachers' Day! To every teacher and everyone I've ever come across, for I've learnt something from you, for sure. Just don't quiz me on it:)

I miss making all those personalized teachers' day cards, so many of them.

Announcing War!

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come. It is the eve of what I'd like to call.."The wading waters". It is time, for the hungry tide to sweep in, yet again. This can only mean one thing...



Yeah, that's right. Seventh Sem is fast approaching and there seems to be no respite from the nightmarish five months looming ahead. This is what I will look like for a while....



I know. So adorable.

You want to know why? Ahh...




But final year is weird for me. (Bah, okay..so I'm emotional). I'm filled with two very real, very pure, yet very contradicting feelings.

Part of me, is like...
F.R.E.E.D.O.M from VTU!!! yeeeaaahhhh!!! Final year!!
Bring out the party hats and the Bongo Drums! One more year and it is OVER!

Then again, part of me is all...

Sob!! I will so miss college. Not the actual college experience (which is @@!!##@@!!!) , but all the stuff we did in college. The People in college. You know. How did I end up in final year so quickly? I know I don't want to grow up and work and life just won't be this much fun (hah!) anymore, I just know it. I just want to crawl back into my diaper and start all over. Growing up comes with a price.

Oh, well. Have to make the most of this year then.

Wish me luck! I shall leave you with a saying...(One of my ALL TIME favourites). it just gives me the shudders. The good kind. The kind you get when something leaves you in great awe.

The woods are dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleep
-Robert Frost

and I'll go with a Hoo Haa!

In the midst of this disgusting thing called a data stream

The weather is just so nice these days. Such perfectly lovely weather. La la la! Bangalore has finally, brought out what it does best..its delectable weather. People think the weather is something you talk about when you have nothing else to say. This might be true in awkward situations, but in my case, I talk about the weather because it has a DIRECT impact on how my day is going to be. Hot and sultry? Bring out the tissues and the complaints and the face wash and the many baths and the irritation and the deodorant. Sunny and Blue skies? Bring out the sunglasses. Windy and chill? Bring out the coffee and the smile on my face. Rain? Bring out me! Or bring out the umbrella, if I'm wearing white. Hehe...

So WHY am I doomed to studying for an exam I can't STAND right at this lovely time when others aren't? Why is my luck so terrible?
WHY must I subject myself to such a depressive state of affairs when I should be out there enjoying that vacation air? WHY WHY WHY!!??
July 4th will be a day where I will finally have endorphins in my system again.
(yeah, I know. Too much House M.D.)

Evil, I tell you. Lady Luck is just so evil to anyone who's in VTU. She just heads us toward intending doom, every single time. Bites us right where it hurts.
Sob!
Boy, I can't wait for this to end.
I think I need some Prozac.

human

Maybe you think this post was going to be a piece of amazing(hah!) prose or poetry, wrapping around what it is truly like being human, about feelings that resurrect inside, earthy, earthly thoughts about tendencies, the tender, fragile nature of the human race and our survival instinct and about how love is basically the answer to it all, because its the one and only thing that either binds us all together, or binds us to a death trap.

Well...it is not. I'm not quite that contemplative right now.

This post is about VTU, 've torture u' (watch the latest indiana jones flick..the vee will so ring a bell) and how it has essentially, ruined many aspects of my life, leaving me gasping for freedom and making me feel like the shackles of slavery have been imposed on me for WAY too long. Really. It has been an inordinately long amount of time since I have felt human. You know, creatures who are allowed to just be. Creatures that work, play, and a lot of the time, actually experience a feeling called "boredom". Creatures that are allowed to incorporate elements of human living, like vacations, recreation, seasons into their lives.

Nuh-uh! I am not allowed to do these things.

VTU, for those who are still reading this lamenting post (sorry for that, but really..I am human) has done the following things to my life:

1) I no longer understand the concept of 'a vacation'
People tell me that a vacation means, when you usually get a month or two off from college, you get to go out of station and have a good time.
Firstly, two months off??!!! Plus some weeks here and there, you say?
Wow!! Is that legal?
And secondly...when I get off, its usually a very short time and usually off season in most vacation spots. What does that mean?

2) I no longer understand the concept of seasons.
I thought holidays and seasons went hand in hand. You know, christmas vacation, summer vacation, holidays for these things. Since I get holidays (if you can call them that) only for three weeks in jan and three weeks in july, I'd like to know what comes during that time. Especially when the rest of my country gets off during april-may and dec. So this means I've got seasons and everything else completely wrong. Vacations all alone, and study when all your friends are off!
Sigh. Perfection.

3) I no longer understand what boredom means.
Throw in so many internals, externals and lab externals and extras, and boredom is out the window. Just meeting friends is now slowly becoming impossible. I can't remember the last time I said "Hey, i have nothing to do the whole day..lets do something!"

4) I no longer like what I'm doing.
Hey, if you were subject to NEVER being able to meet your friends and relatives without an exam looming over your shoulder, would you?

5) I am hence, no longer a positive person.
If you had problems 1-4, would you be?

My brains are absolutely totalled from studying. And the exams haven't even started. This year...is just going to be a nightmare. You know how most people say..I can't wait for next week, or next month?
I can't wait for next year! How's that?!
Now, what kind of therapy can reverse all this??

Signed,
Bugged in BSK.

Today's Graffiti: (and I kept it short and simple)

The Aftermath

To put things mildly, I might write about college a lot. And mostly not very positively. It's hard for most people to think of college as something positive (anyone under VTU, anyway) and I'm usually pessimistic with a vengeance. Put that together and you get...Hell. Yup, Two days of hell, in sixth sem and I'm already so sick of it all, It takes every inch of my almost non-existent patience to keep from lamenting about the sorrow of being there. See, I'm the kind of person who NEVER gets bored in holidays. Being jobless is something I haven't associated myself with for the last four years, probably. So holidays are heaven. And after the second day of college, I can safely say that I'm experiencing an exhaustion that prisoners would be able to relate to.

Making yourself Pay attention in class is exhausting. What's actually even more exhausting (And I actually think so) is pretending to pay attention. Why not actually pay attention, you ask? In a word-boring. The day does all it can to remind me of why an MS degree is off the table. This science thing...For so long....Incredible. And under VTU...so incredible that you can't take it. So much so that attending all classes even on day one of Sixth Sem (code word -War six) was impossible. Ho, hum. To make things more dull...this whole thing suddenly makes me feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life. I'm sure no one wants their epitaph to read "There she just sat, in class." I know I don't.

So once we got through the day (which did a considerable amount of mental damage, I can assure you) some of us couldn't just go home. We needed something. Something to seem like, after the war, we could make peace with our oh-so-bored minds. So we went to the BDA and had good old chaat and mithai and Sugarcane Juice. All for 25 bucks! Wasted around, walked around. And boy, student life is something else. There's just a certain joy in knowing you can eat some mouth watering paani puri for less than ten bucks. Having a lot of dosh is everyone's dream...but the mad delight of eating and travelling cheap and enjoying it...That's something everyone should experience. Then you can sit back years from now and talk about the good old days like everyone does. Ho, hum.

So it struck me....Maybe to enjoy the peace, the freedom, the aftermath...to truly, really feel that joy, we need the war. Maybe, to actually appreciate those precious few hours of fun, we need those hours of torture in class. Not want, but need. With the Yin comes the Yang, they say. Sad, but true. Relief is a spectacular thing, really. And its best felt in the smallest, teensy things. We do a lot of fun stuff...but the simple, unplanned things end up being the Best.

So the aftermath turned out okay. Back to square one, tomorrow morning, and every morning for the rest of this sem! But I'm going to try and take comfort in knowing that the aftermath...might just make it all somewhat worth it.

Britney Spears......

Ha! I did that just to catch your attention. But really, if Al Gore wants Greater attention paid to his global warming campaign, he should just rope in Britney spears. If you can't beat em, join em. Right? Right.

The times-are-a-changing! Taare Zameen Par is THE movie. Really, it moves you to tears. It does have moments of relief thrown in, though. Neat Music Score , has that element of freshness and on the whole, a very well made flick. Aamir Khan must be grinning all the way home, to the bank, singing in the shower, whatever. So must the boy, Darsheel. And no reason why they shouldn't folks! This movie single handedly increases your respect for Aamir Khan by many, many notches. Finally, more people are looking at learning disorders in a new light. And that = progress! Step One!

The new Tata Nano promises to be kind to your pocket! Step Two, I say. We can either be sceptical or Happy. But really, there are so many times when I've seen four people holding on for dear life on a bike in India and wondered why I couldn't do anything about it. Mr Ratan Tata, however, saw the same scene and DID decide to do something about it- Thumbs up, really! My only worry is that the car doesn't have power steering, something that I (selfish spoilt brat, I Know) really need. I mean..I can't swerve round and round and round just to park. I'd be the killing machine to look out for on the roads then, for sure.

I couldn't watch We the People, But Blogs being taken that seriously here is definitely step Three!! *Squeals of joy!* Indian Bloggers need to be taken even more seriously. I mean, do we just know it all or what? ( My modesty helps, I'm sure. lol.)

The MacBook Air is out! DREAMY! Its making headlines everywhere...now if only I had a cushy job with the money to buy myself one. Sigh! I mean, check out the details! Don't get me wrong, though. Charlie is the man! (charlie is my laptop. He's the most Patient, Loving Laptop I know. Gives me NO trouble at all.) Rock Solid Dependable. Aww, he's all jealous of MacBook Air.

Its holiday time and the combination of the sunset out my window and my Cuppa in my hand? Step 5. Engineering students have a weird schedule, which means I'm oh-so-relaxed right now. Definitely a Plus!!

Times-are-a-changing! Now if only my hits would actually go up, I'd be ecstatic. It helps that I put up a hit-meter DAYS after I started Blogging. Oh well.

*Slurp*....Cheers!!