The sort of refreshing feeling you get when you're first thrown into a big delicious swimming pool in the heat is indescribable. Companies try and simulate this feeling by producing splash astringents, people try and simulate it by splashing water on their faces in blistering heat or soporific hazes. But nobody can describe the real deal.
We're supposed to splash our lives into a new job that we love, a new hobby that moves us, a new aim that makes us want to leap out of bed each morning. It's all in with the new, they say. I've seen people buy so much new stuff over the last few days, it's scary. It almost leaves a sort of luxury to hand-me-down objects now, because they're not new. They're not the splash. They're the woody, heady smell of old books, of pages turned, of events past, washing over you and welcoming you into their pool of life. Prized family Watches and Family Heirlooms, for example. People try and simulate this feeling by buying antiques. But nobody can describe the real deal.
Another feeling I love is the one where familiarity re-visits you. Walking past college gates, drinking the same cup every morning, surviving hellish days to come home to your same old bed and fall asleep holding the same old soft pillow. Going back to that old haunt and getting your usual order. Wishing the same people good night every night before sleeping. The smell of a perfume you used for a prolonged period in your life. People try and simulate this by viewing old photo albums, establishing rules and routines, using the same stationery for years to come and reminiscing every chance they get. But nobody can describe the real deal.
What's better sometimes is familiarity's riddance. The Sigh of relief when your old engineering books have been given away, knowing you never have to study them. The relief you feel when you realise that old battles no longer exist. Saying good-bye to old, bigger sized clothing. Saying good-bye to abuse. People simulate this by spring cleaning, burning their bridges and celebrating smaller victories- last english exam, last physics exam. But nobody can describe the real deal.
I'd love to tell you what I believe splashing into love is like, opening old novels is like, a weekend with my old friends is like and saying goodbye to the demons of my past is like. I really would.
But I can't even begin to describe the real deal.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Sunday, March 6, 2011
What do you do when you want a year to speed up, only to have the first six months slow down?
Things can change in 24 hours. Life can change in 24 hours. You can go from knowing that you're going to be wearing suede boots at the end of the year to realizing that you'll actually be wearing more sunscreen than anything else. You can go from having a very "this is what I want" life to a "Maybe this is better for me" life. The last few weeks have been like an egg- and only time (we're talking a decade, maybe?!) will tell if that egg turns out sunny side up or scrambled.
Somewhere along the line, I've become a big hypocrite. Yikes! I've written about leather in an Animal Planet diary. I've told people what's not negotiable when somewhere in my head, that could be proved wrong. I expected things to be different, what..a year ago, and they aren't. I thought I'd leave things behind, to find that things and people will leave me. I thought I'd have no time to even breathe, to having a year of time filling to do.
I'm going to miss so many people, things, events, past and situations over the next one year. EVERYTHING is going to change, and what's the thing I'm worst at? You got it, change.
I do have a plan, though. I always have a plan. It takes time, and it isn't always the best, but I have a plan.
I took this from silverstreak's blog.
No thinking. No analyzing. No time.
Let's hope it works:)
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Every blogger worth her salt has a new year post, I've heard. I wonder why. What is it about new beginnings that everyone loves? Even people who have largely had a fantastic year (like yours truly) look forward to the new year. Why? I have no idea. There's just something about new. New represents even better, somehow.
So, 2010. Bongo wished me, saying "2010 is going to be hard to top for you". You've got that right. Largely, an EPIC year. I've always wanted to say that, you know- an EPIC year. And I've just said it. A lot of things I wanted DIDN'T happen. But a lot of things I've wanted to happen, are now atleast on their way to happening. I suppose a year full of meaningful beginnings is a great enough chunky bite off the creamy cheesecake of life. It gives me a lot to look forward to.
Reduced caffeine intake to 'do you even drink coffee/cola regularly?'. Lost weight and gained it back again, along with some confidence for the second try around. Planned, and executed. On my way to something I've wanted for four years. Wrote things I re-read and fell in love with myself for. Picked a career path, atleast in my head. Met new people. Re-understood the importance of the old. Let go of the past. Started reading again. Became a lot more refined in my ways. Mallshop. Kutti. Mentors. Tried some new things. Loved some new things.
There were some pitfalls, as well. I've learnt that sometimes, you ask for forgiveness not because you've done the wrong thing, but because you haven't gone about the right things in the right way. Sometimes you don't want to hurt anyone, and you still do. Sometimes it isn't your fault and all you can do is hope.
Also, one of the nicest celebrations ever on friday- big shout out to all the people who came around to make it happen! Do I have any idea where I will be for new years in 2011-2012? Nada. Do I love that fact? Yes. Uncertain and loving it. All the more reason to truly cherish new years this time.
Also, you must listen to this and tap your feet and dance. I did for hours. My feet still feel like iron nails are in them, but, boy, do I feel good. Happy new year, everyone. Let's keep up the good work!
Saturday, December 11, 2010
What is it about december that makes me behave like a loonatic? I have no idea. December is a great month. Why? Because if your year was spectacular, you can look back on it in sappy, emotional hope that the next will follow suit. (Hey, one CAN hope). If it was crap, you can hope that the next year will be better. The ending and the beginning. Whatever you want it to be. Besides, christmas is always associated with two very important things: sweet stuff and acceptable weight gain. Somehow.
Where I live, there's no snow, no over-the-top christmas celebration and no thanksgiving shopping season. I know, what is the world without these things?! But there's still the 'jolly'. You can choose to believe me when I say that the best kind of christmas is either:
1) One where you have NO idea where your next christmas is going to be.
2) One where you know EXACTLY where your next christmas is going to be.
In other news, things have been looking up a lot this year, so that's been good. I've a decent amount of stuff to look forward to. As always, i've only two resolutions for all the impending new-ness: losing weight and cribbing less. Really, with these two sorted I think I'm well on the way to slowly becoming a perfect person! *Sheesh. I think I need to add modesty somewhere.*
Sunday, October 10, 2010
There are only two conclusions I've made recently- either I'm weird, or people are confused. I think it's the former, really. Many people say I'm one of the most mature people they've ever met. Apparently they can hear maturity in my voice. *Thank you for that:)*. Many people who know me well say I'm a child inside and outside and in every bit of my voice and I'll never grow up.
I'll admit, I'm petrified that they could be right.
See, I love being a baby. Thinking about the future, about what I want to do or be was always reserved for my wildest dreams, my ambitious spurts, my If only. I thought about it all the time. I dreamt about things all the time.
But I never imagined them happening and I probably never really worked for them.
I'll say that this year has changed me in ways that I can't understand and kept me the same in ways I'm surprised about. For one, I've been subjected to experiences that really got me introspecting beyond what I wanted to do next month or what I felt like eating that day. I can't really elaborate. :P. For another, people around me have unexpectedly played a scarily huge role in promoting me to first standard mentally, I suppose.
Thank you, mom and dad, for scaring me into taking baby...no...giant steps towards doing something I've always wanted to do. Thank you, poky for dealing with me when I was shit-scared. Thank you, Pma and Bgu for not questioning my ridiculous childish behaviour once in a while.Thank you, AnA for the sweets and eye-cream. :) Thank you, so many other people that this list is too long, for not hating the fact that I'm probably changing.
Thank you, MallShop for practically holding my hand and teaching me how to walk in this matter. And dealing with my cranky crybaby wails when I have to face the fact that I've to first get up in order to walk. Thank you for making me feel like you'll continue to hold that bicycle when I learn how to balance even though I won't need it. Thank you for being a good baby-sitter.:)
You know what they say, children and dogs are incredibly loyal.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
We spend most of our lives either hating change or desperately wanting it. I'd always been extremely averse to change until I realised that the good kind of change was happening to a lot of people around me. Then I became obsessed with change. I wanted it, scouted it, so badly wanted those good change event-type things to happen to my life.
Now I'm growing up and I realise that sometimes I don't get to decide. It was never really about whether I wanted change or not.
It's about whether I need change. And how I deal with it when it comes.
Saturday, August 21, 2010
We've moved! You may not have noticed, but I'm now @ doodlescrawl.com. That's right. Blogspot has and still is a great host, but there's something about having your own .com that makes you happy and thrilled and want to write a blog post again, even if writer's block (no, it is NOT an excuse) is killing you when you can't afford to let it. I never thought i'd have my own .com. So, doodlescrawl.com is pretty cool. Expect a lot of blog re-vamping in the near future. I say near future because I genuinely cannot put a date to anything anymore.
I feel like this is going to be a meeting-post. You know, like a meeting agenda. Wow, I sure have grown up. But really, it could be a nice value-add. DID I just type "value-add"? Ho, hum. We're grown up already. Going along with the meeting post babble, recognitions are in order. Courtesy pagalboy, this blog is going to have much more re-vamping, and it already has. *applause*. I would also like to thank monster for fixing up this comp, it has been a treacherous few years. And rat, who kept it going for almost four years so far. :)
Announcements are also in order - I suppose, to maintain anonymity (the restrictions I place on myself! Not fun) I shall just say that things are and have picked up. Lots to do over the next few months, it shall all be very eventful, i'm assuming. It's going to be a nice long trek, and hopefully the weather will be good most of the way the the view from the top will be beyond worth it.
Also, feedback. None of my friends are blogging anymore. Does this mean work has consumed everyone's lives? Does this mean blogging isn't permanent? I'm experiencing major not-being-able-to-read-regular-post syndrome. The temporary cure is to finding new blogs to read, but in all truth those are just rebounds. *wink*