Sunday, August 3, 2008

The next best thing

Dab, dab. Nah. Not nearly good enough. Why can't I have the sense to do a colour patch test in sunlight instead, she wondered. And now the colour's all wrong. My cheekbones aren't high enough. Boy, do I have spectacular cheekbones. If only they weren't hidden under all this skin. Hmm, a nip here, a tuck there. And while we're at it, let's just get rid of those crow's feet too. And man, do I need more straightening serum or what? What's the point of lizz control and re-bonding if my hair still looks like patchwork?!

Welcome to woman-land, folks. If you're a male reader, my sympathies and my hearty congratulations. Both since you managed to get through the opening paragraph. Being a woman, for everyone who already knows it, and for everyone who doesn't, is tough. And I'm not talking about just the hormonal and physical changes (But no discounting that horror.) I'm talking about the weight of everyday thoughts that run through your head, you know..the daily stuff. The stuff that can be such a load wonder your skin sags and your cheekbones don't show. The weight overshadows it all.

See, women are divided into two categories..(in my opinion)
-The blessed
-The not-so-blessed

The Blessed ones, I used to think..were the ones that were born with it all. Perfect hair, perfect metabolism, perfect eyelash length, perfect calves. The list is endless. If you think being a woman is about worrying about face,hair,makeup and weight, you couldn't be more mistaken. Being a woman is like hosting an auction-you just cant wait to trade in some of those parts.

Of course, I didn't always get that. There was a distinct phase in my life when I just couldn't fathom why on earth people would botox their faces up like that. They ended up looking like monkeys with serious face water retention problems, I thought. But now, at some vague level, I get what those women were going through. This means
- I must be growing up. Sigh.
- I am still not vouching for botox or implants. I'm not saying i'll ever get something done. (I probably won't. Needles and surgery terrify me.)

But there are the categories. And while we are still victims of fate, we simply can't control our knee cap skin, our nose angles and our hair type. We can't be accountable for whether we have combination skin or yucky feet. We can't be blamed for not having pimple free skin or the perfect pout. Women the world over look at fashion magazines and only go.."man, what I'd give for those (you fill in the blanks)".But hey, a girl crush is reserved for a whole new post.

And once women accept that they are victims of fate and fate only, they get annoyed. Why must we be subject to the theory of selection, they ask. So fate doesn't give them what they want..but can. They make their moolah and suddenly..the face they've always wanted, the hair they've always longed only a lot of $$$$ away. But hey, this is what they've always wanted. You can't really blame them for trying to earn what life denied them in the first place, can you?

People say, women should accept themseleves for who they really are. I say, its a nice, sensible theory. In practice..even the most stunning women find flaws in themselves. Its human tendency. Even the most stunning woman feels ugly and gross and unattractive and wants to change several things about herself. No philosophy can replace that feeling.

Then again, women go ridiculously overboard. The general argument that their original lips or chest or nose looked better and seemed better holds, to a certain extent. We're born to look a certain way for a certain reason. It's neighbour looks great with straight hair, but I felt like her personality was so much more in tune with her funky, curly hair. It's hard to explain. People botox themselves so badly that you simply can't look at them anymore. So how much is too much? Can the woman psyche figure that out for herself? Will her self esteem be able to draw the line? Is the natural look the way to go? What stands the test of time?

Only time will tell. For each woman, that is. And while that's yet to come, over the years I've come to terms with the fact that how a woman looks ends up being a huge part of how she feels. There's just something about a great haircut or a new look or a good hair puts a very animated spring in your step. And while this co-relation exists, women the world over will continue to invest heavily in themselves.

I concur, but spare me the diamond encrusted facial and lets stick to the basics for now, shall we?

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