Monday, November 17, 2008

My very own mailpaper

What does a good wannabe-journalist do? Report..very good! I do not (and SO wish I did) possess the ability to write stunning pieces that drip with intelligence, sharp observation and sarcasm, and make the wrong people (or right? err...) squirm in their seats and wish the earth would swallow them alive. Yes, some people know that the pen is a sword, and they've learnt how to use it well and truly. With panache.
So until I get there, I'm going to do the next best thing. That's right. Report.

I recently got this really nice e-mail, (courtesy whisky..happy time:) to you!) and I believe that even though I didn't write it, people should see it. It's downright simple and kind of fun. Really. And here's the best part- its true.

The Ant & the Grasshopper

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer ,building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

presenting.....The Indian Version

The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.

NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.

The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.
Medha Patkar goes on a fast along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.

Amnesty International and Koffi Annan criticize the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.
The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance) .

Opposition MPs stage a walkout. Left parties call for 'Bharat Bandh' in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.

CPM in Kerala immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.

BJP wants Sonia Gandhi's apology.

Lalu Prasad allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath '.

Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the ' Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.
Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation ' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.

The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.

Arundhati Roy calls it ' A Triumph of Justice'.

Lalu calls it 'Socialistic Justice '.

CPM calls it the ' Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden '

Koffi Annan invites the Grasshopper to address the UN General Assembly.

Many years later...

The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..

Hundreds of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ...
And ss a result of losing a lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!


Suman Shivashankar said...

Adding one more to the list -

TV channels now want to capitalize on the grasshopper's exposure in the media and so they make grasshopper the anchor of the next 'big' tv reality show - 'The Grasshopper Diaries'! :)


Anand said...

Hahaha... nice one. Really, the sole objective of the left parties is to see all of india being poor. During the BMUN, I raised a ruckus by criticizing "red" china, and saying that a "rational leftist" is an oxymoron... the poor chinese delegate was blooming with anger! Either way, I really think Kamal Hassan in Anbe Sivam portrayed a rather humane aspect of a communist... something that Karat can seriously take a leaf off! Ok.. I see that I have veered off course.. dang!

rammy said...

@suman- wow! Very nice addition. And so very true, too. Well done!

@anand- participated in the BMUN? Very, very cool! And did the chinese delegate attack you after that? Lol. Good going, though. And yeah I agree with the anbe sivam bit..
Maybe you should post on your BMUN experience! Unless, of course, you already have.

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