My shortest post ever.

*Rant alert*

You know the eternal truth about life? Well, I, all of twenty-two years of age and experience, have finally, finally figured it out. It was, indeed, a very kumbayaah moment. Here it is:



the most important things never go according to plan.




Go on, life!! If I'm wrong, go on and prove me wrong! I'd love that.

I have tried being positive, I really have. Now it seems about time for Plan B. Hmm, where did I put that punching bag?

The Life Excuse

We've all heard it, in some form. "Life is short". This, dear readers, is the perfect excuse to do a lot of things, ranging from Bungee jumping and dating to doing a course in animation or bar-tending. Life is short. It's a perfectly valid excuse to really live it, and it goes beyond being an excuse- it becomes a reason. We should all walk on ice, flirt with danger, fight fire with fire atleast once in our lives. Just to know what it feels like, or why we shouldn't. Living is about the experience.

A website I happened to read about in last week's TIME magazine seems to have taken the Life Excuse a bit too far, in my opinion. I'm talking about the Ashley Madison Agency, that was established in 2001, with the sole purpose of allowing people to have and enjoy affairs the way they were meant to be- secret. "Life is short. Have an affair", they say. They seem to have some sort of guarantee on this- especially since the applications are loaded on phone browsers that leave no trace of anything. It is also supposedly the most successful site capitalizing on extra-marital affairs, according to the article in TIME magazine. Read it, here.

Presenting, Mr. Hypocrite of the month (and extendible to MUCH longer), CEO Noel Biderman. Here's an excerpt from TIME magazine - "Humans aren't meant to be monogamous," he says. So would this free-thinking CEO mind if his own wife used his site? "I would be devastated," he says.


I'd love to know what Ashley Madison users think of THAT! While Biderman is (supposedly) happily married, the rest of you lead wretched lives filled with lying, suspicion and (hopefully) guilt. I'm sure the thrills and frills of your affairs are oh-so-fabulous, and there's no discounting that. But, life is short, have an affair? Really? Then why are you married, Biderman, and why would you be devastated if your wife had an affair? Doesn't the same logic apply to her too?

No, because you're a pathetic, infinite curse-worthy hypocrite who wants to live the win-lose situation. Everyone else will lose, because, let's face it, either they'll caught some other way or the guilt and the lying will give them away. Electronic tracing isn't the only way to find out if someone's having an affair. There are a lot more signs- and getting caught isn't all that impossible. So while you sit back with your wife and relax in the knowledge that you live in security, you're acting like some sick pervert prophet who just wants to see society fall apart in front of you. If human beings aren't meant to be monogamous, as you claim, why are you an exception? I know they aren't, but human beings cannot be used as walking-talking-living toys for your ventures either. Clearly, that statement is something you learnt up from some footnote or book summary as an attempt to justify your lousy way of living.

There's a great example of a creep who is using other people's desire to make his own money. He doesn't care if you're life seems short, long, fun or dull. He wants to make his cold, hard cash, and people are falling prey to his pathetic lure. You want to have an affair, fine, it's your life, but don't let this waste of skin profit from that financially. How do you know he doesn't read your messages from his servers? How do you know he doesn't have a profile on his own web-site? If his services really do make an affair hard to trace, how do we know that both him AND his wife aren't cheating on each other? I hope all these are untrue, but you may never know. After reading this article, I really can't expect much better from people. Can you?

And yes, if only I was even marginally better at coding, Mr Biderman, I'd write applications to trace your servers and locate your profile and others' messages and MAKE SURE that those messages are sent directly to every spouse's inbox. Not because of the havoc it will cause those people, but because of the havoc it will cause YOU. I cannot bear to see you succeed in the trail of other people's desires that you encourage in the first place, while being the biggest hypocrite of all time. Atleast live the affair-filled life you're preaching; then I might have a pinch of regard for your honesty.

Really, I'd love to use my brains and my degree to bring you down.
Heck, maybe I will.

See how it has really begun

Ugh. Ugh, ugh, ugh.

At this rate, I'm going to start truly hating some people. *refer previous post titled 'Over to the Dark Side'.*

When you've got TWO ranting posts one straight after the other, and your actual intent is actually to write about things you ponder about, not silly things like this, you know you're in trouble.

People can be complex. People can be aloof. People can mind their own business and not give a tiny hoot about you. People can be difficult.

All that I can handle.

But when people are smug, people smirk inside their heads and you can hear it outside, people try and act like they're not doing anything that will hurt you, and worst of all, people can be totally, totally inconsiderate, literally peeing their ego about all over the place like the alpha wolf, then they really deserve a slap in the face.
Unfortunately, no one really does that.

I'm struggling to contain myself, but I'm really not going to say more. I think the nice me is tugging at my strings now. She's saying, shh! Shut up, and it'll go away.

It had better.

The Mangalore Marathon

Oh yes, it did happen. I'd really like to Blog about my vacation instead, but women are women, and solidarity comes first. We can count on this nation to redefine democracy every single time, to the extent of me putting this before my trip. Congratulations, my fellow Indians, specifically many, many men, for behaving like the stinking mound of crap that no amount of education and exposure will ever sterilize. Pride yourselves on this- Being hindus, not only have you completely failed to understand hinduism, you've also simultaneously managed to revert India back to the years of yore, when girl-child was a bad word.

What did you expect, the bravery award?

For those of you who still need an introduction, Mangalore's pub..Amnesia, I think, was raided by around 40 men (my facts are not perfect, and that's not what this post is about. Use google.) These bloody mongrels are from the so-called Sri Ram Sena, a group that not only brings total disgrace to the name of Lord Ram, it also justifies the later part of the name- Sena. An army of people, with hypocrisy and testosterone running in their veins, and so-called religion running in their stupid minds.

Normal women who were in the pub that day were beaten, molested, harassed, and there are videos all over the place of them running, running the marathon of their lives. These dastardly men, with their gonads for brains. It is pretty clear that they won't be reading this, for I'm sure they don't possess what it takes to READ, let alone use the internet, but I'm going to vent anyway.

ISSUE #1: What the heck do you know about hinduism?
So, men can do whatever the hell they want. These very same Sena Ass-wipes must we be drinking their heads off, or even dealing with ganja and narcotics. Who the hell knows? When the head of the narcotics control department in India deals in drugs, anything is possible. And Hinduism has nothing to do with pubs or drinking. The religion couldn't care less, as long as you're a decent human being, something our Sena Ass-wipes never learnt.

ISSUE #2: Again, what do you know about hinduism? Bloody idiots.
Last time I checked, folks..Molesting women wasn't recommended in ANYthing to do with hinduism. Neither was taking over law and order when it wasn't your place. You condemn women for just sitting in a pub, but god will bless you when you try grabbing them everywhere? Stupid louts. Don't you have mothers? Poor them.

ISSUE #3: The media that..did nothing.
Seriously, you HELP people in distress before you tape them getting molested! Idiots! Can't you buy someone else's video? Would you have taped your sister or mother getting molested? You should all be jailed.

ISSUE #4: This has become a political issue.
So, dear politicians, lets see your mother or sister get molested, and you being forced to sit there and watch the idiots on tv argue about politics instead of having some justice prevail. While you're in jail.
Looking forward to that, really.

Mera Bharat Mahan.
Too bad we've a population of some humans, and a million sexually frustrated, smelly, pompous ass-wipe goats.
And that's a grave insult to goats everywhere.

I hope you all die, suckers.

Bitchslap!

Hell, yeah. Now THAT's what I'd really like to do to someone this week. Nah, don't get all excited, just that things are really getting on my nerves. I am so madly swamped with things I'm supposed to do, and I'm missing the things I want to do.
Worst of all..I've forgotten how to do the things I used to like doing.
Wow. I just re-read that, and It's mildly confusing!

Yesterday was the barbeque at beeris'. Now, I'm vegetarian, which means I don't really get a lot to gobble on, but the concept of barbeques is AWESOME. Fire, the smell of grilled anything wafting around me, darkness, around, content faces (and stomachs). The entire idea is just so appealing, all the more since I'm bored to death of parties. I just can't take another typical, usual party. (Slow down- I'm not a party animal, but I do require life to be a lot more interesting than the same darn thing every single time.)
A BBQ is like an informal, fun party. And I missed it! Sob!
Me-is-not-thrilled at all.

Today, I finally took indira (my car) for a drive. She's fantastic, really. Okay, I like naming things around me- charlie's my laptop, etc. Usually its all named after very good looking men, but Indira was the only exception. She's a blushing red i10. I kid you not, that's the actual colour on the brochure.
Sunday's an amazing day to drive, really...the traffic is all sleeping at home( or at BBqs, who knows) and the roads are nice and easy. I skipped a signal, irritated someone when I was reversing ( I saw him hit his forehead) and almost collided with someone on two occasions. So not good for my ego.

There's no time for anything! I wish I'd 24 hours per evening! Really..when you're a girl and you're actually scheduling waxing into your calendar and realise there's not much time to even do that...you know there's trouble brewing. I'd kill for a pedicure, too..but heck..where's the time? Now I know what all those twenty-somethings used to talk about.

Are you wondering why I'm still blogging? I swear, this is the only thing that keeps me sane. Now that I'm trying to stay away from chocolate, TV, and boys, I do still need to write, don't I?

There's no time to exercise either.
I feel fat. It doesn't help that the mirror affirms my feelings. I have almost an entire section in my cupboard that can only be categorised as "Clothes for when I lose weight". I just can't bring myself to let those clothes go.

And cat is nothing short of a catastrophe. Really. It helps that college is full of women teachers who have tremendous egos wrapped around them, along with their sarees. I've always preferred Male teachers, for only one reason- they don't care about your private life. They teach and leave.
My teachers, on the other hand...make life HELL.

And I want to watch mamma mia! Meryl Streep is one of my eternal favourites. I loved her nonchalant bossy nature in the devil wears prada. She's getting even better with time, in my opinion.
That movie had some seriously hot clothes. This green over-coat and this white one with a grey beret...to DIE for. Really. (It helps that Anne Hathaway can totally carry off these things)

Sigh.
I want a fun life back!!

Liar, Liar

They're everywhere.

If you haven't spotted them yet, you're either one of them (which I realised only too late, that there's a very high probability of almost everyone being one of them) or you're still blissfully unaware, like I used to be. But facts are facts- people outrageously lie about their lives, especially academically, in India, and that is a huge contribution to what makes our education system so unfulfilled. Really, I think that is one of the primary reasons my education has really strayed far away from the wholesome path.
everywhere.
Honestly, there are three things that make for a great education in a great university...
1) Great students (and this is Numero Uno)
2) Great opportunity
3) Great faculty.

However, great faculty play a primary role in bringing out great students, so it gets sort of confusing as to where faculty really come in. Be assured that they are really important though.

However, Indian Kids seem to have got it all wrong. Sometimes you can't blame them- there's intense competition for very few seats in virtually any course that you wish to take- heck, its easier doing an undergraduate degree in Harvard than getting into IIT, and I've heard enough and more people tell me that it is easier to get into Wharton or Harvard (if you're blessed with work experience) than IIM. And going by the way CAT is, I can certainly see why.

But there's a vast difference between Indian students and lets say, American, or British (or any student community worldwide, for that matter.) The difference is this- Indian students just don't know or rather, don't want to adopt a win-win strategy. They work on "Every man for himself". Actually I'd prefer to call it "Every liar for himself."

So instead of forming proactive study groups (which is, by the way one of the top five things students do when they join college), Indian students wade through waters on their own, and they much prefer lying to their batchmates. What that is going to accomplish, I really have no idea and I probably never will. I mean, sure..we're all competing with each other but let's face it..since we never help each other, we never really learn. Ever. This is like doing a degree through correspondence. What's the point of going to an environment that's so close minded..academically, you only gain large lumps of disconnected, disfigured, mugged up pot-pourri.

That sort of explains why even after three whole years of doing a degree, many people don't know as much as they should.

There are people who help, learn, work together. There really are. But this constitutes a miniature section of the madding crowd. The rest would rather lie. If you ask me, its ridiculous. Why play down the work you do? That makes you sound like a fool who doesn't deserve what he's got. It only takes credit away from you. Worse, it makes you look like you're a cheat.

If I can pull together a couple of hours of serious work, I'm usually so happy about it that I go screaming it out from the rooftops. I don't want to hide behind some door and slog it out quiet and alone, and be treated with surprise when I accomplish something. I know I don't want people to say.."Oh, when was she even working for this? I didn't know she was that smart." I know I don't want people to say.."Oh she's a liar..she says she's out shopping but she's actually being two faced and studying."

People don't want to admit they work because it makes them look nerdy. It makes them look focussed, smart, boring.
I hope people are smart enough to realise how stupid the previous sentence was. Trust me on this, smart is all you've got working in life for you. Stupid people are even worse than smart ones. Studies have shown that Most people would rather date someone smart who's headed somewhere in life, and shows it, than someone who's a fool who discounts the worth of a good steady head.
Don't ever be incapable of intelligent conversation, really.

What I don't get is how People actually are out all the time, like they claim to be, sleeping, chilling, yadda yadda yadda and they still do better than the ones who worked and said they did. Does that mean they actually worked without telling anyone (How stupid) or their brains are genuinely better equipped (How unfair). Either way, its weird. I'm really sick of people lying all the time. "No, I don't know how to do that, really" and ta-da! They actually do, and it shows.
I swear, if I know how to do something I'll gladly teach someone before a test, just so I can prove how oh-so-smart I really am.

Anyway, everyone wants a good success story, folks. If you're ever successful, its nice for you to be able to tell people what you did to get there instead of "I did nothing really". Its not being modest, It's being stupid. People can look through you now. I know I can.

For those of you who've been honest, and helpful to your peers, I hope you continue making the education scene here a better place to be in. For those of you who don't...You know when you lie. You think being selfish and self-obsessed is the way to go.
That way won't stretch out very far.
I sure hope it doesn't anyway. Be assured that you don't have any positive chi on your side, anyway.

This was not written because of any particular instance. But do an engineering degree here and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Quicksort

I did tell you that I'd nerd out anytime, didn't I?

Anyway...today was a surprisingly eventful day. I'm going to go into detail simply because I realised that when your brains going BONKERS inside, the only way to make sure you get some shut eye in the night without
- messaging someone to feel better (and waking them up...oops!)
- listening to my ipod for so long that I wake up feeling like a mummy (the embalmed ones)
- hopelessly tossing and turning and adjusting my pillow (it is NOT FUN)
..........is to Blog. Yup, that's right. I feel this strange..peace when I write. (Were you hoping for something way cooler, like sensations or visionary power? bah. Writing is too human for such things.) After a point I don't even care if someone reads it, I just want to write just to get it off my head and my neck. I don't know why everyone says.."get it off my chest". When I'm feeling terrible I get piercing, sharp pain in my neck. Medical explanation, anyone?

So anyway..today we had this Oracle Placement test in college..which was okay I guess. But there's just something about tests...I shudder at the very thought of testing my intelligence, watching a score on paper and restricting my absolute brain power to a mere number, a mere formation of pixels glaring at me as though to say, "Ha. Numbers rule your life?". NO, I am not a fan of math. (Didn't you guess?). The funny part is, I used to be. But that was before numbers screwed me over.

Let's not even get to the "you're wasting potential" talk I always get.


Anyway...the test was fine, everything's fine, but something's bothering me. And I have no darn clue what that is. Maybe it's the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. Maybe it's my birthday coming up..and boy, is that going to be a sobfest. I detest growing older. It just reminds me of how little time I have left to have fun! (Yeah, I'm still immature enough to think that anything beyond the married phase isn't fun. Just shoot me.)

I don't even know what I'm doing for my birthday. (Don't roll your eyes, please). Normally it doesn't matter but this time the parental units are putting a lot of pressure on me to decide (I really don't know why, they normally wouldn't be bothered till D-day.) And since I really don't know, I get so whiny and irritable and very...pig-faced everytime they ask me. I so wish I could be decent and talk to them and figure something out...

By the way, what the hell is a pincushion?

Also, today in class, I was reading about quicksort..which neatly partitions an array and sorts it. (Okay, geek stuff over. I promise). Wouldn't it be cool to have a quicksort done to your life? I want one. One that partitions, organizes, while I sit back and watch the chaos and dirt become order, Monica Gellar Style.

Then i'd have the time of my life messing it up again.

Mood swings really bring you down. You can be feeling perfectly peachy, and then..BAH. Me, social, amicable (I dearly hope) me, just doesn't want to look at anyone or even get out of bed. I don't know if the monotony has gotten to me, but I do know that its majorly because there isn't even a teensy, weensy thing to look forward to. Am I the only fool like this?

This had better be gone by tomorrow morning. Its exhausting, surviving a whole day with the same mood swings. I'm more used to about..fifteen a day.

Ah, I feel better. One percent better. That counts for something, right?

For those who read (and I salute you, really), sorry for this ranting, raving post. But if you ever want to rant or rave or anything, you may feel free to contact me and we can set up a ranting, bitching session and maybe even form a ranters' anonymous, heck we can even be well known.

And if you don't want to do that, tell me this- how on earth do you survive without cribbing? Is it an art? How can you not vent? I dearly hope this doesn't fall in the 'You have to be born with it, my dah-ling' category.

And now, I intend on taking some deep breaths and drifting off to the land of nod. No, no, insomnia. I am beginning to find a way to escape you.

My syndrome

I am back.

Back for good.

But not for long.

Hmm, that didn't sound right.

But it is the truth.
~me.

What do those confusing lines mean? What does this nonsense amount to, you ask? Ask, and you shall be answered. Do not, and do not read further.
Its that simple.

I shall try to explain better with a picture. (any NPS jokes at this point are NOT welcome.) Basically, my life is now like this.

See, its the paradox that comes with this cup that you see. I go from the deep, turbulent waters into the tube thinking..oh, this I can handle. This isn't that bad. I'll reach land eventually.

But where do I land up? In deep shit, once again.
Bingo. Bravo.
I couldn't have explained this better.

So while VTU exam horror (code: War six) is over, (down the tube, now) I'm heading towards what not, and hence...I'm only going back into the cup of deep torture (oh how I wish It was a pleasant cuppa, instead!)

All you need is P.O.S.I.T.I.V.I.T.Y, they say.

That's the only thing I need to get started.

Now, why don't we get that in pill form?

Happy holidays, everyone! May the jobs come flying, to us all.
And may they flap hard enough to carry those massive pay packets.

sayonara

Yay! This blog is finally being shutdown and hopefully that 'sayonara' means someone can free up some space on the internet!

Except, no one can.

Yes, that's right.

Shock Number One: Shutting down this blog may not really delete that website forever from the face of cyber-space, unless someone from some mildly important seeming organization is actually asked to do it.

Shock Number Two: This blog is not being shut down.

Are you happy? If so, you officially fall in the list of 'people who I absolutely adore'. If not, hey..I don't blame you. My condolences, though.

Anyway..I am saying sayonara for the rest of this month. For that, you had to do all this,you ask? Of course I had to!
See, I have exams coming up (If you've read the last two posts, and you still don't know that then you're nor reading, are you!). So Dear Readers (assuming there is such a category here)..unless I am desperate to vent, I shall not be blogging for a little while. Hmm..in fact there's already enough about how VTU really bites, right? I think one thing that's definitely worse than studying under VTU is having a chameleon in my mouth. For sure.
(Thank you aditi, for helping me figure that one out. It took time, folks.)

So I shall doom myself to the vicious books, and only hope that I live to tell the tale (oh wait, but I've already said too much about VTU. Oh what the heck, I'm human).

Until then, I strongly suggest you either
a) send me some 'get well soon' cards
b) learn up all sarah jessica parker's lines in sex and the city (NO I will not put her name in capitals, what is wrong with you?!)
c) learn how to say "Hello, hello to you again" in japanese
d) read someone else's blog

And please put up links to all of this as comments. The japanese, the lines, or other nice blogs. If you can, that is.

*Hysteric waving good-bye..for now*

In the midst of this disgusting thing called a data stream

The weather is just so nice these days. Such perfectly lovely weather. La la la! Bangalore has finally, brought out what it does best..its delectable weather. People think the weather is something you talk about when you have nothing else to say. This might be true in awkward situations, but in my case, I talk about the weather because it has a DIRECT impact on how my day is going to be. Hot and sultry? Bring out the tissues and the complaints and the face wash and the many baths and the irritation and the deodorant. Sunny and Blue skies? Bring out the sunglasses. Windy and chill? Bring out the coffee and the smile on my face. Rain? Bring out me! Or bring out the umbrella, if I'm wearing white. Hehe...

So WHY am I doomed to studying for an exam I can't STAND right at this lovely time when others aren't? Why is my luck so terrible?
WHY must I subject myself to such a depressive state of affairs when I should be out there enjoying that vacation air? WHY WHY WHY!!??
July 4th will be a day where I will finally have endorphins in my system again.
(yeah, I know. Too much House M.D.)

Evil, I tell you. Lady Luck is just so evil to anyone who's in VTU. She just heads us toward intending doom, every single time. Bites us right where it hurts.
Sob!
Boy, I can't wait for this to end.
I think I need some Prozac.

human

Maybe you think this post was going to be a piece of amazing(hah!) prose or poetry, wrapping around what it is truly like being human, about feelings that resurrect inside, earthy, earthly thoughts about tendencies, the tender, fragile nature of the human race and our survival instinct and about how love is basically the answer to it all, because its the one and only thing that either binds us all together, or binds us to a death trap.

Well...it is not. I'm not quite that contemplative right now.

This post is about VTU, 've torture u' (watch the latest indiana jones flick..the vee will so ring a bell) and how it has essentially, ruined many aspects of my life, leaving me gasping for freedom and making me feel like the shackles of slavery have been imposed on me for WAY too long. Really. It has been an inordinately long amount of time since I have felt human. You know, creatures who are allowed to just be. Creatures that work, play, and a lot of the time, actually experience a feeling called "boredom". Creatures that are allowed to incorporate elements of human living, like vacations, recreation, seasons into their lives.

Nuh-uh! I am not allowed to do these things.

VTU, for those who are still reading this lamenting post (sorry for that, but really..I am human) has done the following things to my life:

1) I no longer understand the concept of 'a vacation'
People tell me that a vacation means, when you usually get a month or two off from college, you get to go out of station and have a good time.
Firstly, two months off??!!! Plus some weeks here and there, you say?
Wow!! Is that legal?
And secondly...when I get off, its usually a very short time and usually off season in most vacation spots. What does that mean?

2) I no longer understand the concept of seasons.
I thought holidays and seasons went hand in hand. You know, christmas vacation, summer vacation, holidays for these things. Since I get holidays (if you can call them that) only for three weeks in jan and three weeks in july, I'd like to know what comes during that time. Especially when the rest of my country gets off during april-may and dec. So this means I've got seasons and everything else completely wrong. Vacations all alone, and study when all your friends are off!
Sigh. Perfection.

3) I no longer understand what boredom means.
Throw in so many internals, externals and lab externals and extras, and boredom is out the window. Just meeting friends is now slowly becoming impossible. I can't remember the last time I said "Hey, i have nothing to do the whole day..lets do something!"

4) I no longer like what I'm doing.
Hey, if you were subject to NEVER being able to meet your friends and relatives without an exam looming over your shoulder, would you?

5) I am hence, no longer a positive person.
If you had problems 1-4, would you be?

My brains are absolutely totalled from studying. And the exams haven't even started. This year...is just going to be a nightmare. You know how most people say..I can't wait for next week, or next month?
I can't wait for next year! How's that?!
Now, what kind of therapy can reverse all this??

Signed,
Bugged in BSK.

Half-empty

Six Reasons why Bangalore Bites:

1. The existing airport is like a bus terminal. Now I know why its called an 'Airbus'. And, the new airport is a destination in itself. Getting there from home now sets me back by 1000 bucks and Two hours or more.
I know. Charming.

2. The dance floors are all closed, thanks to the Cops assuming that everyone wants to dance like they're in a dance bar. Sorry to disappoint you folks, but not everyone wants to be the Nation's next Chameli. Some people just need to have some fun after a rough week.
But that's blasphemy. Of course.

3. Because of (2), DJ Tiesto won't be coming here. Hyderabad, however, got very lucky. Just imagine. The whole country has clubs and the supposed 'Cosmopolitan' city can't even host a major welcome for the world's best DJ? Cosmopolitan, my sitting-at-home-on-saturday-bottom.

4. Live Bands can no longer play in some places. Wow. I didn't know Live Bands=Disastrous consequences for the community. If that's the case, Those guitars should really come with a statutory warning and an Age limit.
Oops. I shouldn't have said that. At the rate we're going, they'll probably actually enforce it.

5. Rules such as 'Cars with even-numbered license plates can only be driven on even days' are actually proposed.
People have conveniently forgotten that we're a democracy, and we DON'T have a public/Mass transport system that's to die for. We have one that actually caused numerous deaths.
Bravo, whoever came up with that. How clairvoyant. *Hmmph!!*

6. Educated, classy 'Bangaloreans' still litter.
What I'd really like to do, is to stuff all that garbage in their champagne glasses, their cars, in their shampoo bottles and down their pretentious throats.
Enough said.

I blame it all in 'Bangalore' being changed to the extremely unnecessary 'Bengalooru'. What is with the name changing? The Anglicised names have something to do with our history. Why attempt to change it? Its more a sign of insecurity than anything else, if you ask me.

One reason why I still love this place:
It's HOME!!!

V-D-Day!

Its all true, folks.

Yes, giving someone a teddy bear or a balloon or whatever with "I love you" written on it in red and white- that is the shit. True love. Like the million others that will receive the exact same thing. Because THAT will truly convey how special it all is to you. Well done.

Yes, heart shaped anything-that is the shit. Never mind that the whole world seems heart painted on valentines day, never mind that your irises just might become heart shaped after the extravaganza, never mind that the heart really isn't shaped like that, and god knows how pink got into the picture. Gag moi.

And yes, spending all your money on valentine's day- Way to go! Why surprise someone when you can take them out on the day when everyone taken everyone out? You simply must go out on a day when every place is flowing with more love-struck mongers, just so you can all look at each other and feel so privileged, for the lack of privacy, and for the love you all share in that crowd. In twos, of course.

Oh, and lets not forget- spending your pockets off is the only way to show someone you care.
Huh? What's that? Did you say something about spending time and being nice through the year? I didn't quite hear.

Now, now, don't worry. If you do feel like something's wrong, open up the mushy card with flowers and words written on it, and Know that this is indeed, what stuff from the love shack is made of.
Oh, so this card this year has red roses and last year's had white? Oh, I see.

Or, you can spend valentine's day, my way.
Go pamper yourself till your toes want to smile. Get a nice haircut. Get some retail therapy. Get a nice movie, some chocolate, a drink you'd never normally buy for yourself, or that one thing you've always wanted to buy.
Take a bubble bath. Turn up the volume.
Meet friends you haven't met in ages, or the ones you never have time for.
Prank call people (a group favourite).
Do something totally different for the person you love from the bottom of your toes. Surprise them when they least expect it.
Or give them some breathing space.
Shock your parents by doing something nice. And then get privileges you could really use.
Throw a party. God knows, your friends in Bangalore need one.
Think beyond red and pink.

Mr know-it-all Cupid is actually a baby, after all.

Also....No offense meant, personally, to anyone.

Not a hoot!

So...I have an Owl Problem.

Firstly, when people tell you an owl makes a 'Hoot' sound, you picture it as something friendly, maybe spooky.
They're wrong. Owls can sound like the voice you've imagined death to have.

Really. They screech like they're not-so-cute little owlie insides are being torn apart by some deathly force that we can't see in the night. You know, them being nocturnal and all. Its great that they sleep during the day, but how am I supposed to get some shut-eye when they scream like a dozen pregnant screams all the time?! You'd think it would stop for a few hours, but it doesn't. It goes on for hours and hours.

To make things worse, now lil' "Hell" (Thats owl's nickname) now has a friend. I'm assuming "blowhorn" (named oh-so-fondly after The blowhorn) is female, because otherwise, two Male owls talking and screaming every night for hours is just...gay. Imagine. I don't know about owls and their mating lives, but anyway..
So I live on the Eleventh floor and these two owls just won't go away. They sit on a higher level ledge and, well..they're there, screeching away all night. I know.
Simply Delightful.

I can tell you that I've tried everything. I've shone light on both owls for ages. Ive used many (hundreds) Of powerful camera flashes and this red laser light on them. I've screamed back. Ive left lights on. What I can only do now, is throw things at them. But I can't bring myself to (as much as I'd dearly love to whack hell and blowhorn with absolutely anything).

So, I did some research. Here's what I found.

- This pic with an owl's face superimposed on a pig's snout. Talk about optical illusion!


-It sucks that I'm here, in Bangalore.Because there are companies called 'Bird buster' and 'Bird-x' that make products and ensure that these pesky birds are gotten rid of in the most natural, non-harmful way possible. NO teary good-bye, though. Just...Hello sleep!!
I couldn't find a way to order the products and get service here though. Not yet.

-It turns out that owls don't like a change of location. Basically, they're leeches on wings. They find a place and stay there for upto 10 years or more!
Now, you can imagine how good this makes me feel.
-I also read-"They talk all the time- hooting, squealing, shrieking, whistling, trilling, grumbling--even barking. They are best known, however, for a call that sounds like, "Who cooks for you.. who cooks for you-all?"
Lol...No believe me, it sounds like...."CCCCCCCCCCCCRRRRRRRRRRRAWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

-"Big owls have deeper voices than small ones."
Both these owls are huge and scream like There's no tomorrow to scream, too.

-"Owls are birds of prey and often hunt at night."
Then how come they're screaming throughout?? Why can't they atleast eat??!

-"Owls have held a variety of symbolic meanings in culture and have represented misfortune, death, wisdom and prosperity."
Right. Now...Didn't the same sentence have completely contradicting implications?!!

-Also, Online, Someone asked people the following question at a forum:
"How do you make an owl sound with your hands?"
Here are the responses:

1- Put hands together placing all fingers on right hand in the crevice between left thumb and forefinger. Put thumbs together and clasp left hand around top of right knuckles. Blow softly through the small crack between thumbs (just below thumb knuckles).
Once you have mastered a single note by doing this , you can make a waving motion with your left hand (still holding on to right hand) and it will waiver the note!

2-I don't give a hoot.

3-Stick your thumb
in its, er...tum.
(Beats me)

4-Simply make a fist as if to cough into your hand put your hand over your mouth and say the words hoo hoo ho hoooooo.
You can also go to walmart and purchase something called a hoot tube, it is used for turkey hunting.

I tried 1 and 4. They sound like something, not quite owl-like, but like a whooshing noise.

I'm going to go and try using it on the owls now! I'm secretly hoping the owls get scared or angry and leave.

I'm totally welcome to any suggestions on how to get rid of my Buddies, hell and blowhorn. And if you're asking yourself why I'm writing about owls, Just try sleeping with that noise and if you haven't bought a gun or blogged about it or complained incessantly, you're completely deaf.

The Aftermath

To put things mildly, I might write about college a lot. And mostly not very positively. It's hard for most people to think of college as something positive (anyone under VTU, anyway) and I'm usually pessimistic with a vengeance. Put that together and you get...Hell. Yup, Two days of hell, in sixth sem and I'm already so sick of it all, It takes every inch of my almost non-existent patience to keep from lamenting about the sorrow of being there. See, I'm the kind of person who NEVER gets bored in holidays. Being jobless is something I haven't associated myself with for the last four years, probably. So holidays are heaven. And after the second day of college, I can safely say that I'm experiencing an exhaustion that prisoners would be able to relate to.

Making yourself Pay attention in class is exhausting. What's actually even more exhausting (And I actually think so) is pretending to pay attention. Why not actually pay attention, you ask? In a word-boring. The day does all it can to remind me of why an MS degree is off the table. This science thing...For so long....Incredible. And under VTU...so incredible that you can't take it. So much so that attending all classes even on day one of Sixth Sem (code word -War six) was impossible. Ho, hum. To make things more dull...this whole thing suddenly makes me feel like I'm doing absolutely nothing with my life. I'm sure no one wants their epitaph to read "There she just sat, in class." I know I don't.

So once we got through the day (which did a considerable amount of mental damage, I can assure you) some of us couldn't just go home. We needed something. Something to seem like, after the war, we could make peace with our oh-so-bored minds. So we went to the BDA and had good old chaat and mithai and Sugarcane Juice. All for 25 bucks! Wasted around, walked around. And boy, student life is something else. There's just a certain joy in knowing you can eat some mouth watering paani puri for less than ten bucks. Having a lot of dosh is everyone's dream...but the mad delight of eating and travelling cheap and enjoying it...That's something everyone should experience. Then you can sit back years from now and talk about the good old days like everyone does. Ho, hum.

So it struck me....Maybe to enjoy the peace, the freedom, the aftermath...to truly, really feel that joy, we need the war. Maybe, to actually appreciate those precious few hours of fun, we need those hours of torture in class. Not want, but need. With the Yin comes the Yang, they say. Sad, but true. Relief is a spectacular thing, really. And its best felt in the smallest, teensy things. We do a lot of fun stuff...but the simple, unplanned things end up being the Best.

So the aftermath turned out okay. Back to square one, tomorrow morning, and every morning for the rest of this sem! But I'm going to try and take comfort in knowing that the aftermath...might just make it all somewhat worth it.

Eve Aint gonna Like that!

........."Stating that the group cannot identify the real accused in the case as it was dark at the spot, Derek "described" the incident and alleged that the girls were drunk, abusive and kissing their companions in public."........

This is not about the Juhu Incident. Most people have heard about the Juhu Incident. For those of you who haven't, 2 women were Molested and groped by 70 men on new years eve, at juhu beach. I'm not going to provide any further stats, or tell you how garrish and shocking the whole incident was. You probably (and hopefully) already know that.

What you also know, and don't question (maybe you do) is that women are often blamed for most of the incidents, just like the opening quote showed you. All I can do is laugh so hard, there are tears in my eyes. The girls were drunk and abusive? They were kissing their companions? All I want to ask, is...SO WHAT? So goddamn what?? So what if they were? How does that justify being molested by SEVENTY men, each of which deserve to be hung a thousand times over? Does that imply that it is all the womens' fault? I'm laughing harder. I'm also crying. All women are.

I'm running the risk of sounding feminist, but I can assure you that this has nothing to do with feminism. This has to do with basic common sense. Something a lot of people seem to lack, especially Journalists. And here's the most hilarious part. Women Journalists too. Some women seem to have a very ridiculous take on most crimes against women. Yes, I know, No one in their senses should've gone to Juhu on new years eve when drunk men are everywhere. I get that. But then, looking at the rape statistics, no women in her right mind should go anywhere.

I've been subject to eve-teasing, molestation, and seen my friends go through it and I can tell you this-If you think its situation dependent, you need a reality check. If you think It happens if you wear miniskirts, or if you go clubbing often, or if you walk around in the night, you're sadly mistaken. It does happen, but it also happens in BROAD DAYLIGHT. Which means you can never be too careful. And which means, you can never wear nice clothes, or never have a good time.

Why does the fairer sex have to be subject to that? You can't blame women for thinking all men are hound dogs with absolutely no control over their shameful brains, if this is the case. How on earth can you blame a woman, if it happens in broad daylight? It happens in buses, in autos. In other countries I'm sure it happens everywhere, too. It happens at the railway stations and airports. yes, airports. And if you say you've never heard these cases-women don't report them. Most of them are too harassed to go through the Oh-so-enjoyable route of reporting a case and having something judicial happen in India. Most women would rather just shut their troubled selves up.

So are women to blame? Sure, if they're not careful and if they're actually being provocative. And by that I don't mean wearing jeans or a skirt, for heaven's sake. Wearing a skirt does not have an automatic label on it saying "I'm ok with anything". Its a skirt. Not a label. And let her wear a leaf, for all you care. Why do men have to molest her forcefully? Why can't they just understand that that's not how it should work?

You'd think of asking these men..don't you have sisters, or wives, or mothers,or daughters? But that makes no difference. People even molest their family members sometimes. Such people don't deserve to live. Its as simple as that.

Most men do have a semblance of respect for their family members atleast(Thank god for small favours), and considering that...Its ridiculous how the photographers during the Juhu incident started taking pictures instead of rescuing the women. "But there were 70 men..what could we do"..is their argument? What would they have done if those women were their daughters, sisters or wives? Taken pictures?

Ever heard of women harassing men? What a ridiculous thought, right? Then why doesn't that line of thought hold for the other way around? No one thinks. Educated, Literate people are often found behaving like mongrels. They never think, while they're doing it. They never think..what if that girl was my daughter, or sister, or wife, or...me?

What's worse...if you think you can call the cops for help..they sometimes play key roles in these events. You can never be sure who to trust. You never know who's going to behave in what way.

Its sad, but everyone talks about it, including me, and nothing can be done about it. All women can do, I suppose, is to raise their kids so that they have some respect for women, instead of behaving like animals with a bloody retarded value system. What's sad, is that all of this makes men who do possess that respect, look like they belong to the rest of the pathetic party.

Eve doesn't like all that. She doesn't like it at all. But no one thinks of that.
I wonder if they ever will.