Afterglow

It is in these moments that I miss you the most. The grey between the black and white, the wind between sunshine and rain. The empty gaps between the curtains, the minutes between the hours and the times I see things that remind me of you everywhere. The walking sticks I see, the dogs that chase people, the trees that shed yellow leaves. The boxes of candy, the carpeted floors and the smell of old books.

You're there, in every bookshelf, every page of every magazine, every chipped fingernail, every time I glance up at myself in these mirrors. I can smell the smell of your washed ironed clothes every time I walk into your room, I can breathe your conscience in every time I step out of my comfort zone. In every page I turn, in every smile I fake. In every bold decision I make.

Ever since you left me many months ago, I've missed you, but I've also seen and felt you everywhere. You pierce through the thoughts in my head, you pray with me beside my bed, you hold my shoulders straight when I face the world. You push me along when I can't move, you hold me back when inertia doesn't take over. I'm looking at myself now and I can see you looking back at me.

Ever since you left, I've been wondering whom to go to about all these questions I have. My eternal google. Today JJ asked me about scripture and I wished you were around even more. I have so many questions. SO MANY, that only you can answer them. Ever since you left, I've been adding more milk to my coffee, more sugar to my life, and stirring much faster. I'm facing the world, because of you. I'm a better person because of you. I still believe in things, because of you. I won't change a thing, because of you. I'm living in your afterglow.