December

What is it about december that makes me behave like a loonatic? I have no idea. December is a great month. Why? Because if your year was spectacular, you can look back on it in sappy, emotional hope that the next will follow suit. (Hey, one CAN hope). If it was crap, you can hope that the next year will be better. The ending and the beginning. Whatever you want it to be. Besides, christmas is always associated with two very important things: sweet stuff and acceptable weight gain. Somehow.

Where I live, there's no snow, no over-the-top christmas celebration and no thanksgiving shopping season. I know, what is the world without these things?! But there's still the 'jolly'. You can choose to believe me when I say that the best kind of christmas is either:

1) One where you have NO idea where your next christmas is going to be.
2) One where you know EXACTLY where your next christmas is going to be.

In other news, things have been looking up a lot this year, so that's been good. I've a decent amount of stuff to look forward to. As always, i've only two resolutions for all the impending new-ness: losing weight and cribbing less. Really, with these two sorted I think I'm well on the way to slowly becoming a perfect person! *Sheesh. I think I need to add modesty somewhere.*

Happy holidays!

There are only two conclusions I've made recently- either I'm weird, or people are confused. I think it's the former, really. Many people say I'm one of the most mature people they've ever met. Apparently they can hear maturity in my voice. *Thank you for that:)*. Many people who know me well say I'm a child inside and outside and in every bit of my voice and I'll never grow up.
I'll admit, I'm petrified that they could be right.

See, I love being a baby. Thinking about the future, about what I want to do or be was always reserved for my wildest dreams, my ambitious spurts, my If only. I thought about it all the time. I dreamt about things all the time.
But I never imagined them happening and I probably never really worked for them.

I'll say that this year has changed me in ways that I can't understand and kept me the same in ways I'm surprised about. For one, I've been subjected to experiences that really got me introspecting beyond what I wanted to do next month or what I felt like eating that day. I can't really elaborate. :P. For another, people around me have unexpectedly played a scarily huge role in promoting me to first standard mentally, I suppose.

Thank you, mom and dad, for scaring me into taking baby...no...giant steps towards doing something I've always wanted to do. Thank you, poky for dealing with me when I was shit-scared. Thank you, Pma and Bgu for not questioning my ridiculous childish behaviour once in a while.Thank you, AnA for the sweets and eye-cream. :) Thank you, so many other people that this list is too long, for not hating the fact that I'm probably changing.

Thank you, MallShop for practically holding my hand and teaching me how to walk in this matter. And dealing with my cranky crybaby wails when I have to face the fact that I've to first get up in order to walk. Thank you for making me feel like you'll continue to hold that bicycle when I learn how to balance even though I won't need it. Thank you for being a good baby-sitter.:)

You know what they say, children and dogs are incredibly loyal.

We spend most of our lives either hating change or desperately wanting it. I'd always been extremely averse to change until I realised that the good kind of change was happening to a lot of people around me. Then I became obsessed with change. I wanted it, scouted it, so badly wanted those good change event-type things to happen to my life.

Now I'm growing up and I realise that sometimes I don't get to decide. It was never really about whether I wanted change or not.

It's about whether I need change. And how I deal with it when it comes.
*wise grin*

New, re-vamped and

moved.

We've moved! You may not have noticed, but I'm now @ doodlescrawl.com. That's right. Blogspot has and still is a great host, but there's something about having your own .com that makes you happy and thrilled and want to write a blog post again, even if writer's block (no, it is NOT an excuse) is killing you when you can't afford to let it. I never thought i'd have my own .com. So, doodlescrawl.com is pretty cool. Expect a lot of blog re-vamping in the near future. I say near future because I genuinely cannot put a date to anything anymore.

I feel like this is going to be a meeting-post. You know, like a meeting agenda. Wow, I sure have grown up. But really, it could be a nice value-add. DID I just type "value-add"? Ho, hum. We're grown up already. Going along with the meeting post babble, recognitions are in order. Courtesy pagalboy, this blog is going to have much more re-vamping, and it already has. *applause*. I would also like to thank monster for fixing up this comp, it has been a treacherous few years. And rat, who kept it going for almost four years so far. :)

Announcements are also in order - I suppose, to maintain anonymity (the restrictions I place on myself! Not fun) I shall just say that things are and have picked up. Lots to do over the next few months, it shall all be very eventful, i'm assuming. It's going to be a nice long trek, and hopefully the weather will be good most of the way the the view from the top will be beyond worth it.

Also, feedback. None of my friends are blogging anymore. Does this mean work has consumed everyone's lives? Does this mean blogging isn't permanent? I'm experiencing major not-being-able-to-read-regular-post syndrome. The temporary cure is to finding new blogs to read, but in all truth those are just rebounds. *wink*

For the occasion

There's a dress or an item for every occasion, I've heard. Some people don't necessarily go by these formalities, like me, but some, apparently, do. There's a dress for every first interview. The "What a killer-impression" outfit. A dress for every first date. An outfit for "Let's impress the parents". Specific shoes for a breal-up. A wine for different dinners, something for the home or home-made food for a house-warming. Some things even have different meanings in different cultures, like flowers for a wedding and for a funeral.

To be honest, I'm not really a flower person. They look prettier in bushes and pots and whatever else they grow in, really, even though I have, on occasion, thought that flowers wrapped in paper and injected with fake blue ink (those orchids you get in every road corner in bangalore, sometimes) were nice looking, but overall, I'm a more "useful-meaningful-this reminds me of something" gift person. I have liked two flowers though- Lilies and Gerberas. I had to google that to even know what that's spelt like.



Sometimes, you change. If someone had told me this much would change in 2010, I'd have laughed at them six months ago. But, life can creep up on you and tickle you and make you jump, even. Suddenly you're making decisions you couldn't even dream of making. Suddenly lilies start looking prettier. Suddenly you buy items for no occasion that don't go with anything, because you've dreamt up occasions in your own head. Suddenly you're happy when you thought you wouldn't be, sad when you shouldn't. Suddenly you have crazy conversations with friends about growing up and ruin it all with some really bad joke about some boy and a girl, like always.

Suddenly you write a blog post that makes no sense to anyone, simply because it's an account of how things are changing, things can change. Random as they may be. Suddenly you're wondering if you're dressed right for an occasion, acting right, doing the right things. Yeah. We all sail on the same ship, only to find pirates one time or another.
Only to realise that what we've heard could be right all along.

What you know, I now know

Probably the most impulsive post I'm ever going to post.
But, a realization that everyone's already been through.
When you like doing something,
You'll do it.
No matter what.
Even if you don't have full ownership, even if you don't have time, even if you don't have money or contacts or full reasons or support or a guarantee or whatever- regardless, in some small way, you'll do it. In your own teeny way that makes you happy.
Question: Does how much you like it go away when you do it full-time? Do you get tired of it? Or does it grow and consume you with how much you love it?

Only doing what you love, will tell.

For some people, there comes a day when they can't wait to get out of bed. When sleep evades them, when their blood is too busy boiling and gushing, when they'd rather not sleep. When they feel like they just ran a mile in the wind and then showered in a spring somewhere and STILL have enough energy to go on one more walk, because they simply must. Because they just feel like it, because they want to. Nothing wrong matters, everything can be fixed, everything's ok, everything's either a lesson learnt or a lesson in the making, because somewhere, somehow, their minds are at the peaceful gates of satisfaction with everything that's gone wrong, everything they've learnt, everything they've put right because they realise they have the power to do so, and everything they're going to do right and love from now on.

It swells, and it's swell, and it's called Passion for Living. I know I have it somewhere inside me, and I can't wait for it to spring out one day, and run many miles and take you with me.

Afterglow

It is in these moments that I miss you the most. The grey between the black and white, the wind between sunshine and rain. The empty gaps between the curtains, the minutes between the hours and the times I see things that remind me of you everywhere. The walking sticks I see, the dogs that chase people, the trees that shed yellow leaves. The boxes of candy, the carpeted floors and the smell of old books.

You're there, in every bookshelf, every page of every magazine, every chipped fingernail, every time I glance up at myself in these mirrors. I can smell the smell of your washed ironed clothes every time I walk into your room, I can breathe your conscience in every time I step out of my comfort zone. In every page I turn, in every smile I fake. In every bold decision I make.

Ever since you left me many months ago, I've missed you, but I've also seen and felt you everywhere. You pierce through the thoughts in my head, you pray with me beside my bed, you hold my shoulders straight when I face the world. You push me along when I can't move, you hold me back when inertia doesn't take over. I'm looking at myself now and I can see you looking back at me.

Ever since you left, I've been wondering whom to go to about all these questions I have. My eternal google. Today JJ asked me about scripture and I wished you were around even more. I have so many questions. SO MANY, that only you can answer them. Ever since you left, I've been adding more milk to my coffee, more sugar to my life, and stirring much faster. I'm facing the world, because of you. I'm a better person because of you. I still believe in things, because of you. I won't change a thing, because of you. I'm living in your afterglow.

What they teach me

And yes, I learn best from people. I used to think it was books I like to read, but the books I like reading are people, really. The authors behind their stories. The people in my life. What they all teach me.

I don't know why but it's all coming back to me now, everything everyone's ever said to me. The things I believe in are all pieces of light and dark. Contributed by everyone I've ever met. Documented only in my current personality, exhibiting influence only in the things I do and feel. If you know me, know that at some point, you've taught me something.

Always believe things to be good, until you find them to be contrary.

Shit happens.

Fear nothing, because honestly woman, nothing really fears you.

That belief is what helps me figure out the difference between right and wrong.

Passionate people will never be happy with anything that isn't them.

Always give people one chance.

Shut up and eat! (my personal favourite)

Maybe we shouldn't over-analyse everything.

Maybe we're not supposed to understand.

You should always experiment.

Tree-man, and about how I should be glad I even have feet.

Slow down once in a while.

You're allowed to have days where you do absolutely nothing.

No feeling is a hundred percent; that can only be a good thing.

Always be positive.

There's nothing a good watch can't cure.

You will change completely every five years, no matter what.

A whole load of things about education.

Top three things to avoid: Cranky, sappy and crappy.

First think about what you have to do, not how you're going to do it.

Love exists.

Everything is perspective.

Everything is an illusion.

You can't sit down and think about what you want. You either already know or don't.

Marketing and Sales in life: Lesson One

I know nothing about marketing and Sales, but I'd love for my career to have everything to do with them, someday. I've been reading a lot, and most people have one thing to say about marketing- it is ubiquitous. You can look for snippets of marketing, everywhere, and apply things you've read, heard and learnt to daily life.

Presenting, my very own, Lesson One.

DISCLAIMER: This WILL disgust you. Don't say I didn't warn you. But it's a big, weird world out there and I write about the real world, more or less, so, brace yourself.

Let's begin.

Situation: Seven of us decide to watch the noon show of the movie "Nine" in a well-known multiplex. A Whopping THREE people cannot make it, even after the tickets are bought. If you must know, Reason: Illness, doing it's city rounds.

Ideal solution: Let's sell the remaining three tickets somehow!

Pitfalls:
- People would rather watch some other movie.
- Most people already have tickets.
- One person who did want to buy a ticket wasn't happy with back row seats.
- We got close to stalking people. Boundaries were mentally re-drawn.
- If you didn't know this already, being a salesperson is hard. Firstly, no one really wants to hear you out, and secondly, "No" is almost always the answer.

First thoughts: Our first thoughts were that we needed to get our demographic right. We targeted couples, groups of girls, groups in threes, people who looked likely to watch a movie like Nine. I really don't want to get into the details of this. We actually thought we were "Understanding our Demographic".

Shocking Revelations: It turns out, our first ticket was sold to just one person who'd come alone to watch the movie. One guy. "Hmm", we thought. Single people?

The "But of course" moment: Wham! Guys had turned up solo to watch the movie Nine, what with it's all-star gorgeous, seductive looking women cast. We didn't think that was the case, but were shocked to discover that this indeed was. Ah well, shock or no shock, it's time to move to the next step.

CAPITALIZE: And that, indeed, is what some of my friends did only too well. Changed our understanding of our "demographic". Capitalized on our new understanding.

End Result: We sold all three tickets, to three total strangers, each of whom had come to watch the movie alone, all three being men. 1+ 1 + 1.
Hallelujah.




Lesson learnt: When in doubt, reconsider your demographic. Always get your true demographic right.

Ta-da!

We're in it to win it!

Aren't these pretty? Yes, I know what you're thinking.

And not just hot mums- EVERYONE could sure use a diamond. I don't exactly believe that they're girls' best friends, but diamonds are the embodiment of all that is awesome- in shiny, gleaming, sparkling stone. They look good, are worth a lot anywhere and either make you or any woman in your life feel like a million bucks.

You can pick up these gorgeous pieces at LuShae Jewelry. Or, if you're like me (you really don't have a platinum credit card YET) you can enter the LuShae $5000 blogger sweepstakes!

I don't usually endorse these things but this, according to me, is the easiest entry process EVER. Two steps. One minute, tops. And you could either win $5000 to spend anywhere, or $200. This happens every month! And if you're really looking to pick up something, just entering the sweepstakes gives you a neat 15% off on the entire range.

Whew. When we're talking diamonds, that's a lot of money saved.

So go on, enter the sweepstakes! I did. Just click on the sweepstakes link- You've nothing to lose. If you win something, we can both go celebrate (ahem.)

The stage

I'm not what you'd typically call the die-hard Shakespeare fan. I barely know his work, although that doesn't mean that I wouldn't like to. But here are a few lines I've always liked. Sure, they're quoted all over the place. But they're simple and not to mention, true, if you really think about it.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts,
His acts being seven ages.

Theatre will always be something that I love for many reasons- but one of the main ones is that it mimics life in an unbelievable way. It's far more challenging than a movie, if you ask me- there are no re-takes in theatre. Just like there aren't re-takes in life. Theatre cuts out the fluff- good plays usually have people who can act, and I mean REALLY act. Sets and lighting and music suddenly seem to matter so much more. Dialogue takes central focus in theatre- while a lot of people have forgotten what a screenplay really is. Don't get me wrong, I love movies. Film-makers are artists as much as anyone. But theatre..will always be theatre. It'll always have that edge. That's where it all begins and ends.

This was a good friday night. I might be totally different from a lot of people, but I'm going to say it- I'll very gladly and happily watch a play, every friday night, for the rest of my life and be thrilled about it. Really.

Besides, there's always saturday for the other stuff.

That feb 14th post

Surprise, surprise. I'm actually writing a Valentine's day post! Will wonders never cease?! No, this is not about "Love in the air" getting to me. Surprisingly, this day has been less in-my-face this year, and I'm happy for that. I guess a lot of people feel the same way- it's badly over-hyped. But, love is love, and it should be respected and celebrated and written about, even, and hence, my two cents.

We've all ( or hopefully will) loved people, different kinds of people. In all of that, sometimes I feel like loving ourselves is, in fact, the more challenging thing to do. It isn't easy, you know, being annoyed or angry with yourself, when you mess up. Who will you take it out on? Hmm. Exactly.

A lot of people tell me that they love themselves, well and truly. I don't think I really buy that. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. A lot of people have also told me in sheer confidence that they really hate themselves sometimes. So what am I to conclude, really? With all of that and personal experience (ahem!), I think that sometimes you really love yourself, and I mean REALLY love yourself. When you get a new snazzy haircut, or sometimes when you look in the mirror, when you do silly things that only you can do, when you do great things, when you do things you love, when you're with people you love. But there are times when you
hate yourself, I know I do. Everytime I mess up, everytime I fall short of my own expectations. The "What was I thinking" feeling. The "Why am I like this" feeling.
It's the ultimate love-hate relationship, what I have with me. I dig me and I'm my own biggest critic. Maybe you're like that, too.

So what can people like me do? Try and love ourselves a lot more than we hate ourselves, for starters. I don't make formal resolutions, ever, but this is one of the things I've always wanted to work at. It's easy to love yourself for the amazing things that make you you. It's a lot harder to love yourself for the flaws, the creases, the wrinkles, the pimples and the mistakes you've made. But those are the things that really make us human, the fact that all our awesomeness can be wrong, so VERY wrong, sometimes.

Happy Valentine's day, everyone! I'm going to try and cut myself some slack a lot more from now on. You should, too. That means a lot more to me than pink, red, heart-shaped anything and candy ever will. Wait a minute- actually, I'm a fan of candy any day of the year.

one two, Change

Somewhere between my second elneer and that bar of twix, I realised that I've changed.

What are we, really?
Are we what we like? Who we like? What we don't like?
Worse, who we don't like?

If you knew me well enough many years ago, I can easily tell you that you probably don't know me at all now. No offense, though. It only means that you can make a whole new friend without being judged. It's true, really.

Because I'm changing at lightspeed, and no one can keep up with that, not even me.

I used to think that I know what's good for me. Clearly, that is one of my biggest *ahem* flaws. *more ahem*. yes, I have flaws and so do you. You think that twenty-something years of existence would've taught you better, but here are some very conflicting things that I'm starting to discover- We change, rapidly and frequently. We also, essentially, stay the same. I know you read that again and went- Let's get off this nutcase's blog. But, it's true. So what determines what changes and what doesn't? Genes? Probably. Upbringing? Probably. Friends? Maybe. Who knows? Uh-huh.

Which would explain why I'm starting to glug down elneer like my entire family always does, why biscuit-chocolate combinations are my family's favourite, why we all love candy. Which would explain why the smell of home cooking on the streets of India is something I'll never get sick of. Which explains why my friends know that even though I probably hate purple now and love army-tank green, buying me blue or black is a relatively safe bet.
Which is why I'll never appreciate all kinds of perfume. And never bother looking at page-3 photographs unless I know someone I know is in them. And go to sleep late everyday knowing that I should sleep earlier.

Which is why, I don't think i'll ever know what's really good for me and what isn't.

Which is why I'll keep writing these senseless bitlets of pointless information just so moonlight will find its way into my room.

The weather changes really fast in the tropics, they say. You'd better keep up.

Rolling

Stutter, Sputter. That morning cup of milk. Hurried gulps and buttons pressed. Thumb Impressions. Songs I hear everyday. To wash out the other sounds. Bite me, on the way. And yes, I'm still going to need coffee. Sputter, sputter. Blinding lights. That's what air looks like on the outside. Shampoo, rains, drains and musk all rolled into one. Passively, but only for now. Excitement in the air. That you just can't catch. Is someone watching? Doesn't matter. Messages. Interruptions. Interruptions. White electronic canvas. No watch. No time. Fast forward. Faster. Beeps. Sunshine. Stark contrast. Musty. Ladles and spoons. Smile. Clank. Why did I say that? Rethink. Analyse. Assess till my mind hurts. You really should smile all the time. and What is that smell? Never leaves. Tic tac toe. breathmint. Chills. hot air. Wash, dry, sanitize. Serve. One line. Too unpredictable. WHY? Can't stop. Cookies. Cream. Sugar. Yesterday. The corner of the fridge. Around the corner. Upstairs, downstairs. Not good enough. Tick, tock. it's all relative. jealousy. Black and white. The smell-whiff mix. Why, why.
hours. days. minutes. not years. last chance. first. no. your way. if you leave. cackle, cackle. Ringing peals of laughter. efficiency. Try. Why try. Differences between surprises and shocks. Realizations. suppressed. Opinionated. Who isn't? Bothered. Who is? Fading lights. Was this supposed to happen? starlights and smoke and haze and wind and light. Lightspeed. Three. Two. One. Reality check. And that, too, will fade. but that, shouldn't. Waiting in line. Where's the exit sign? Stand up. Shut up. Rewind.