Daily Lessons

I was wondering, is there a right to existence? A right to happiness? I don't think so. Just imagine the workload law firms would have, if there were these rights. Shudder.

If you're one of those people who look around you everyday and go..."Why am I surrounded by people who have ____ Job, _____ grade, _____ opportunity and I don't?"...I found an article that focusses on the people who didn't have these things when they started out. It ranks pretty okay on the feel good factor.
The rejects. Check them out here.

Till this week, I used to wonder if people really needed personal organizers and google calendars and PDAs and all that jazz.
Now I know why.

I've looked for countless articles on beating the excess-sleep disease (Is it called sleep apnea?) man, who would've thought that excess sleep can ruin your life?

Philadelphia Cream Cheese is awesome.
Warning: The side effects, however, aren't.

You spend most of your teen years convincing your folks that pajama parties are okay, and sleepovers are fun and harmless.
And then you grow older and your mom goes for a sleepover with her friends and suddenly, shockingly, momentarily, you're a teeny bit worried.
(Not for long. They're parents.)

Rain is either beautiful, lovely and amazing or downright horrid.
There's really no middle ground.

B is for *******, E is for **********, now you put them together. No? Fine, I'll do it.

Boredom. it has many faces, many old, boring, mundane faces. You'll find it anywhere. From faces like mine, sitting in OOAD class today, to faces in relationships, not knowing where they can go, to faces at a market stall, tired of what they do on a daily basis. incidentally, I am officially SICK of anything to do with objects. Period.

Freedom. it means different things to different people. it's what you crave most, sometimes. to you it might mean a fair trial or the right to live how you want. to a journalist it might mean the freedom of speech. to me it might mean freedom from the bounding choices I make, from doing this degree to doing so many other things that will bind me or already are, when they shouldn't.
hmm. object orientation does make you realize a lot of things.
pun fully intended.

Art. that must be appreciated in all forms. from the artwork sutta is doing to her blank page, to the way walls are designed in that studio apartment, to the particular way only KT tunstall can seem to get that note right. art breaks you away from boredon, and it also represents freedom of expression.
I for one, think that J.D salinger's work is like new-age art. So is Zadie Smith's.

Money. that is sadly, both unfairly connected and unfairly disconnected to art. can you explain how some art rake in the moolah, while the others that are equally good if not better make peanuts?
it's a delicate, fragile, shameful imbalance.

Luck. it is what drives that delicate imbalance of money. i mean sure, a lot of other things also drive it but luck is by far the most important, incredible, yet indeterminable ingredient. i see smart, effective individuals who's lived ethically, worked hard and experienced less return. i see others who cross the line, and do not have to pay for it.

Talent. that supersedes luck. THE ONLY TRUE way of ensuring that your chances of bringing in further good chi increase. for only the blessed, dedicated and the hardworking end up being true masters of their own talent. nothing else will do. for example, working perfectly with object orientation is talent.
mentioning object orientation three times in one abstract post is also talent.

Enthusiasm. that comes from knowing you've the potential to hone talent, be talented, and the potential to use it.

see? i connected boredom to enthusiasm.
all by six degrees of separation.

Beneath

when the light has burnt away
when the night has replaced your day
believe that behind the clouds, there are stars.

when there's murky, blotched reason
when frustrations come in seasons
believe that somewhere, somehow this wasn't only your fault.

when there's no end to that tunnel
when your life begins to rumble
believe that things will come to you, and conquer it all

when you can't begin to understand or believe
wait for when you heal
for beneath every nightmare,there's a new dream.

this is dedicated to you. you know who you are.

A perfect circle

I am now legal!!!

Okay, so in India, 18 is pretty much the legal life. But what the heck, vegas so beckons now! (The only time I've been there, I was sixteen and not allowed.)

To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to this birthday. Ok, so dreaded would be a good way to start describing this. See, I know people talk about the whole 'age is a state of mind' thing and all that jazz, but facts are facts:- I'm not getting any younger.
I know. Depressing.

But man, family and friends really REALLY changed all that. My birthday ended up being one of the best days EVER! And in 21 kick-all-ass years, that's saying a lot!

For starters, there was a treasure hunt at home, with...brace yourself...twenty-one gifts!! It was spectacular. Suj, mom and dad printed out these intellectual (hey, they weren't all that easy, they agreed!) clues, and hid gifts and everything!

Just for you (How lucky!) I'm gonna try and list out the gifts! (Male-readers may skip the following section. Or stick it out..its a great list of "What girls like me like!")

1-A cool red and silver coffee cup. With that cover that you can twist around!
2-Gold jewellery. Really grand, really nice looking, and now I can't wait to go to a fancy wedding and dazzle away. (Although i prefer platinum, but hey..they pick the sets they know I can wear)
3-A mother of pearl, gold and diamond watch. More weddings needed(but not mine)
4-A cute college bag in blue-gray and cream
5-A hand made paper journal. (Nah, I will also blog and continue to corrupt cyberspace.)
6-A bronze flower bookmark. (very cool)
7-A birthday card (with the words 'sex appeal' and 'bloody' in it. How cool are my folks?!)
8-Gourmet chocolates. (In individual coloured paper. I love that.)
9-A blue poise leather wallet. (Longish one. I've just been waiting to buy one..birthdays are celebrated for a reason, I so get it now!)
10-Crossword book vouchers. (My family has really understood me!)
11-Two pairs of earrings. (both junk jewellery ish!)
12-brown and black slippers. With a neat wedge cut.
13-A neat green hard cardboard magazine rack. (Just what I needed.)
14-green Kajal. (I know! Funky!)
15-Eye shadow. In nice normal brown shades!
16-A Copper sulphate (sort of) blue top.
17-A light green tee
18-A copy of 'A thousand splendid suns' by khaled hosseini. I like:)
19-Hair bands and clips. (Much needed)
20-A Debit card (Awesome, eh:))
21-The keys to my new i10! (Ah, i can see the green aura!)

So, that's 21 phenomenal gifts. That made my morning.
Are you asking me if there's more? Why, yes there is:)

So after that I went to mocha with my class friends and man, that place simply stuns! So bright and colourful and we had a great time with the mozarella sticks and the panino and the hats! I also got

-This card-like birthday poster that they'd made with pictures and art work!
-Roll-Poll..the cutest bean toy dog in the world
-A Book! (Man, people really know me.) 'anything for you ma'am' by tushar raheja.
The best part..mocha has this small place to sit that's more like sitting in a little cove or cave..fantastic place to go to (ranks ****..that's four stars in my list)

And then...(Yeah, yeah..there's even more)
I got a surprise Party! (Sutta, you have officially kept up to our surprise pact!)
It was the BEST thing ever. Everyone was there. I knew something would happen, but I didn't know it'd be a party and I didn't know so many people would come! In fact..just before I was entering the place...A car zoomed past me and some people (notably monk, who I instantly recognized) dashed out and ran into the building. That was a total give-away and a lot of fun. I somehow controlled myself from squealing like a mad pig right there.

So the party would take up a whole new post but the highlights were
-my wall boyfriend (Made with streamers)
-people dancing on chairs (which was real cute)
-My barney cake (I shall upload pics in a later post..)
-Musical chairs (It's much more fun when you grow up, trust me.*wink*)
-Speed group Table Tennis (I have no idea what it is actually called but I'm gonna call it that!)
-Passing the parcel (with dares. *wink wink*)
-Fantasy sex book reading.
And way, way, way more.

But, since I'm in a total girly mood (And I am in love with my birthday gifts), I'm going to list out the gifts I got. (I know...you're going..even more gifts? yes. I love birthdays!!)

-A GORGEOUS, white designer-looking, classy, chick-bag.
The type I've always wanted, Voila! I cannot stop looking at it.
-Gorgeous white shoes.(And they fit!)
I need to go to more formal, classy social events now, to show off these babies!
-Two thongs. (One red one black which says "I am a naughty girl, spank me!")
Ah, College spoof gifts are fun.
No, don't ask me if I'm going to wear them.
- A book titled "fantasy sex".Really funny and I've never seen so many people interested in a book-reading.
-A hula-hoop.. For the girl in me:)
-A Hot pink (Sorta fuchsia) tube top with a very flowy cut
-A lavender dressy top with a really hot back
-A lavender top which makes me look somewhat thinner (no kidding!)
-A green silk-looking kurta from jaipur (which I badly wanted)
-A really cool keychain and this kiwi chain (African and New zealand maal)

Man, This post is awesomely long and detailed, I think.
But wait...there's even more! (Don't stop reading now, puh-lease!)

So the party just..was outstanding and I can't rem the last time I had that much fun! Did I mention I love surprises? Well A day full of them is like being willy wonka.

Then, I get home and I find................21 dishes for dinner! (that's now my new favourite number). Mom and dad and suj...had practically worked the whole day to make a stellar dinner feast!
I know, the sceptics (a.k.a non-vegetarians) will be shocked to find that there are, in fact that many veg options for snacks and dinner that can be easilyu whipped up. Besides, i'm a salad and dessert freak.
Just for the non-believers, here is the dinner menu:

1. Cake (Mousse Au Chocolat, to be precise)
2. Vadam (They're small fried papads)
3. Papads
4. Peanut masala. (Yum)
5. Coleslaw
6. Potato Salad
7. Macaroni Salad
8. Onion Vadam(they're coloured)
9. Corn Salad
10. Another Veg Salad
11. Pasta in a white sauce (which had very basil-like flavouring!)
12. Pasts in a red sauce
13. Peas Pulao (never know if its pulao or pulav..any idea?)
14. Raita
15. Potato Fry
16. Puliodhare (Tamarind Rice)
17. Kadambam (Sorta like sambhar, very bisi bele bath ish)
18. Cabbage Fry
19. Flavoured Curd Rice (I actually like south indian food these days)
20. Custard with jelly. (Smack!)
21. Coffee Pudding.

I know. Life is good.

Thank you, for making my day special.
You know who you are:)

Is it...legal??!!

You know how I'm feeling right now? It's the feeling you get when you realise that something's happening right now, and at some point you know you'll look back on this and feel warm and fuzzy just thinking about it.

Yep, that's right. This is my last blog post as a twenty year old. My last Blog post as illegal rammy, the last post of childish innocence, the last fleet of information from my not-yet-an-adult-worldwide mind.

A lot of things happened this year. Probably a million but I'd say the most important ones would be:-

1) I started blogging. And boy, what a difference it has made to my life.
2) I've started getting better haircuts. Its true, last year was hair-horror.
3) I've grown to appreciate experiences more. Like college, and how I'll really miss it even though I've spent three years hating a lot of it.
4) I've learnt a lot about people, life and love. (No, this is not my miss universe speech)
5) I've become somewhat more mature (Don't go overboard with this, I will still react like I used to.)
6) I've become less dependent on things and people's behaviour. (which is a good thing because I'm not letting the world dictate how I feel.)
7) I haven't fallen for anyone. (and hence, all the maturity, sense and sensibility came into play!)
8) I've understood the meaning of "Experiences" and what they can teach you.
9) I've actually been called "the wise one" (My personal favourite)
10) I'm now officially open to any kind of cuisine. I have favourites in them all. (talk about being good date-material). Even south Indian, I've started to take a liking to (much to my mom's liking)

I get the feeling 21 will be even BETTER.
Or is it "legal" me talking?

Who needs a planner when you've events to remember events with?

Things I absolutely cannot stand this week (so far):-

#1: Thin people asking me "Shucks how do I lose some weight?" If I knew, I wouldn't be looking so 'pleasantly plump', would I, dah-ling?! And since you're thin, you're also brain-dead if you assume that I'll exhibit even the slightest hint of sympathy at you being "fat", when I'm deep in the well here and you're standing outside wondering how to draw water.

#2: People telling me that Pantene shampoo is awesome. Believe me, I had a mane once, of thick luscious (Yeah, that's the word) hair, and now, its..where did you go, my lovely? Credits: Pan-hell-tene shampoo.

#3: People who study abroad acting like what I'm doing is shit. Okay, so I don't have access to quite the experience you do, but hey, be a friend! (This does not apply to the nicer ones who come back and haven't changed at all. I love that. The BEST!)

#4: The fact that Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen hardly ever smile with their teeth.
It's always a lip pout. Why, oh why?!

#5: People who claim they absolutely adore reading Blogs, but actually don't. Yup, very much existent category, by the way). What are you trying to prove? I am so restraining myself from saying further right now. (See, I'm usually a nice person and I don't want to mess things up..not even here).

#6: People who aren't in IIM, telling me that getting into one is no big deal. With all due respect, ugh..what the heck do you know, buddy?! @!%$%

Things I Loved this week (So far):-

#1: The fact that we've a subject called fuzzy logic this sem. Call me crazy (and I know you will) but it sounds so gosh-darn-CUTE.

#2: This thing Ms Muddu told me that she'd heard: A girl's prayer:
'Dear god, if you can't make me thin, then please make all my friends fat.' hahahaha! That really cracked me up.

#3: We bunked two hours and the girls from my department went to coffee day
and just chilled and laughed about girly things. It was so..normal and nice.
I needed that.
Thank you, Ms Muddu. Not sure how long you'll be hearing that though.

#4: The first episode of the moment of truth which aired on Star World. Scandal has always captivated me.

#5: My resume got printed out in pink and now it looks so Elle Woods (From legally blonde..one of the best indulgent chick flicks ever.) and it is most amusing. Bah. I dearly hope this means I still have a life.

I love nicknames.

Quicksort

I did tell you that I'd nerd out anytime, didn't I?

Anyway...today was a surprisingly eventful day. I'm going to go into detail simply because I realised that when your brains going BONKERS inside, the only way to make sure you get some shut eye in the night without
- messaging someone to feel better (and waking them up...oops!)
- listening to my ipod for so long that I wake up feeling like a mummy (the embalmed ones)
- hopelessly tossing and turning and adjusting my pillow (it is NOT FUN)
..........is to Blog. Yup, that's right. I feel this strange..peace when I write. (Were you hoping for something way cooler, like sensations or visionary power? bah. Writing is too human for such things.) After a point I don't even care if someone reads it, I just want to write just to get it off my head and my neck. I don't know why everyone says.."get it off my chest". When I'm feeling terrible I get piercing, sharp pain in my neck. Medical explanation, anyone?

So anyway..today we had this Oracle Placement test in college..which was okay I guess. But there's just something about tests...I shudder at the very thought of testing my intelligence, watching a score on paper and restricting my absolute brain power to a mere number, a mere formation of pixels glaring at me as though to say, "Ha. Numbers rule your life?". NO, I am not a fan of math. (Didn't you guess?). The funny part is, I used to be. But that was before numbers screwed me over.

Let's not even get to the "you're wasting potential" talk I always get.


Anyway...the test was fine, everything's fine, but something's bothering me. And I have no darn clue what that is. Maybe it's the fact that I don't know what the hell I'm doing with my life. Maybe it's my birthday coming up..and boy, is that going to be a sobfest. I detest growing older. It just reminds me of how little time I have left to have fun! (Yeah, I'm still immature enough to think that anything beyond the married phase isn't fun. Just shoot me.)

I don't even know what I'm doing for my birthday. (Don't roll your eyes, please). Normally it doesn't matter but this time the parental units are putting a lot of pressure on me to decide (I really don't know why, they normally wouldn't be bothered till D-day.) And since I really don't know, I get so whiny and irritable and very...pig-faced everytime they ask me. I so wish I could be decent and talk to them and figure something out...

By the way, what the hell is a pincushion?

Also, today in class, I was reading about quicksort..which neatly partitions an array and sorts it. (Okay, geek stuff over. I promise). Wouldn't it be cool to have a quicksort done to your life? I want one. One that partitions, organizes, while I sit back and watch the chaos and dirt become order, Monica Gellar Style.

Then i'd have the time of my life messing it up again.

Mood swings really bring you down. You can be feeling perfectly peachy, and then..BAH. Me, social, amicable (I dearly hope) me, just doesn't want to look at anyone or even get out of bed. I don't know if the monotony has gotten to me, but I do know that its majorly because there isn't even a teensy, weensy thing to look forward to. Am I the only fool like this?

This had better be gone by tomorrow morning. Its exhausting, surviving a whole day with the same mood swings. I'm more used to about..fifteen a day.

Ah, I feel better. One percent better. That counts for something, right?

For those who read (and I salute you, really), sorry for this ranting, raving post. But if you ever want to rant or rave or anything, you may feel free to contact me and we can set up a ranting, bitching session and maybe even form a ranters' anonymous, heck we can even be well known.

And if you don't want to do that, tell me this- how on earth do you survive without cribbing? Is it an art? How can you not vent? I dearly hope this doesn't fall in the 'You have to be born with it, my dah-ling' category.

And now, I intend on taking some deep breaths and drifting off to the land of nod. No, no, insomnia. I am beginning to find a way to escape you.

No, filler posts don't always need to have titles

I Learnt one thing today.

Life is all about being in the zone. Sometimes, the things you obsess about, worry about, spend sleepness nights about..just..fall into place if you let them be. It's astounding how the impossible things happen if at some level you believe that they actually can. Boy, do I love it when things start falling in place. I just hope this trend continues!

I also read one thing today..a really cute saying, in my opinion. Quote-for-all-ages category.

The popcorn Kernel is small, hard, indigestible and seemingly worthless. But put it in a pot and hold it over a fire, and it'll be transformed before your eyes. Sometimes life's pressures and problems can do the same for you.

Ah, when did I become this philosophical? Is it 7th sem (code name: War Seven) influencing me on day one, or is it something about growing older and wiser (in just eleven days?) I dearly hope its neither. *Shudder*.
But popcorn sure is fun to eat!

The next best thing

Dab, dab. Nah. Not nearly good enough. Why can't I have the sense to do a colour patch test in sunlight instead, she wondered. And now the colour's all wrong. My cheekbones aren't high enough. Boy, do I have spectacular cheekbones. If only they weren't hidden under all this skin. Hmm, a nip here, a tuck there. And while we're at it, let's just get rid of those crow's feet too. And man, do I need more straightening serum or what? What's the point of lizz control and re-bonding if my hair still looks like patchwork?!

Welcome to woman-land, folks. If you're a male reader, my sympathies and my hearty congratulations. Both since you managed to get through the opening paragraph. Being a woman, for everyone who already knows it, and for everyone who doesn't, is tough. And I'm not talking about just the hormonal and physical changes (But no discounting that horror.) I'm talking about the weight of everyday thoughts that run through your head, you know..the daily stuff. The stuff that can be such a load sometimes..no wonder your skin sags and your cheekbones don't show. The weight overshadows it all.

See, women are divided into two categories..(in my opinion)
-The blessed
-The not-so-blessed

The Blessed ones, I used to think..were the ones that were born with it all. Perfect hair, perfect metabolism, perfect eyelash length, perfect calves. The list is endless. If you think being a woman is about worrying about face,hair,makeup and weight, you couldn't be more mistaken. Being a woman is like hosting an auction-you just cant wait to trade in some of those parts.

Of course, I didn't always get that. There was a distinct phase in my life when I just couldn't fathom why on earth people would botox their faces up like that. They ended up looking like monkeys with serious face water retention problems, I thought. But now, at some vague level, I get what those women were going through. This means
- I must be growing up. Sigh.
- I am still not vouching for botox or implants. I'm not saying i'll ever get something done. (I probably won't. Needles and surgery terrify me.)

But there are the categories. And while we are still victims of fate, we simply can't control our knee cap skin, our nose angles and our hair type. We can't be accountable for whether we have combination skin or yucky feet. We can't be blamed for not having pimple free skin or the perfect pout. Women the world over look at fashion magazines and only go.."man, what I'd give for those (you fill in the blanks)".But hey, a girl crush is reserved for a whole new post.

And once women accept that they are victims of fate and fate only, they get annoyed. Why must we be subject to the theory of selection, they ask. So fate doesn't give them what they want..but then...life can. They make their moolah and suddenly..the face they've always wanted, the hair they've always longed for..is only a lot of $$$$ away. But hey, this is what they've always wanted. You can't really blame them for trying to earn what life denied them in the first place, can you?

People say, women should accept themseleves for who they really are. I say, its a nice, sensible theory. In practice..even the most stunning women find flaws in themselves. Its human tendency. Even the most stunning woman feels ugly and gross and unattractive and wants to change several things about herself. No philosophy can replace that feeling.

Then again, women go ridiculously overboard. The general argument that their original lips or chest or nose looked better and seemed better holds, to a certain extent. We're born to look a certain way for a certain reason. It's weird..my neighbour looks great with straight hair, but I felt like her personality was so much more in tune with her funky, curly hair. It's hard to explain. People botox themselves so badly that you simply can't look at them anymore. So how much is too much? Can the woman psyche figure that out for herself? Will her self esteem be able to draw the line? Is the natural look the way to go? What stands the test of time?

Only time will tell. For each woman, that is. And while that's yet to come, over the years I've come to terms with the fact that how a woman looks ends up being a huge part of how she feels. There's just something about a great haircut or a new look or a good hair day..it puts a very animated spring in your step. And while this co-relation exists, women the world over will continue to invest heavily in themselves.

I concur, but spare me the diamond encrusted facial and lets stick to the basics for now, shall we?

Announcing War!

Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come. It is the eve of what I'd like to call.."The wading waters". It is time, for the hungry tide to sweep in, yet again. This can only mean one thing...



Yeah, that's right. Seventh Sem is fast approaching and there seems to be no respite from the nightmarish five months looming ahead. This is what I will look like for a while....



I know. So adorable.

You want to know why? Ahh...




But final year is weird for me. (Bah, okay..so I'm emotional). I'm filled with two very real, very pure, yet very contradicting feelings.

Part of me, is like...
F.R.E.E.D.O.M from VTU!!! yeeeaaahhhh!!! Final year!!
Bring out the party hats and the Bongo Drums! One more year and it is OVER!

Then again, part of me is all...

Sob!! I will so miss college. Not the actual college experience (which is @@!!##@@!!!) , but all the stuff we did in college. The People in college. You know. How did I end up in final year so quickly? I know I don't want to grow up and work and life just won't be this much fun (hah!) anymore, I just know it. I just want to crawl back into my diaper and start all over. Growing up comes with a price.

Oh, well. Have to make the most of this year then.

Wish me luck! I shall leave you with a saying...(One of my ALL TIME favourites). it just gives me the shudders. The good kind. The kind you get when something leaves you in great awe.

The woods are dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
and miles to go before I sleep
and miles to go before I sleep
-Robert Frost

and I'll go with a Hoo Haa!