Broadway Burgundy Frost

Sounds nice, eh? If you haven't guessed already, its the name of a rather ridiculous looking Dark Pink Nail polish shade I have. Or found, rather.
I must say it looks very..Broadway-esque (I have no idea how to explain that) and I was quite enamoured with the shine. Now, I'm not very girly (meaning I call totes bags, I don't really keep up with the latest trends and I don't own much makeup) but suddenly, I wanted to wear Dark pink nail-paint and see how my day went.


What I didn't realise till late evening, was that the colour looked postitively hideous on my skin tone.
Sigh. I guess mom will have to wear it (She's got prettier feet than I have.Mine are much to my sorrow, capable of being categorized as ugly.)
But like R said, I should be glad I have feet..

The lack of time in my life is driving me crazy. Really, I so wish I'd the time to groom myself like those other girls who have time for a different hair-style everyday of the week (seriously, we're talking permed one day, braids one day, straight the next..do you know how much EFFORT that would take? Not to mention how many hours! ). What I do is, I inspect my hair when I wake up. If its too oily or greasy looking, I wash it. If I don't blow dry it, I fall sick (it's true..the horror sinusitis imposes on people is only too annoying). So I quickly dry it, that's it. On really bad hair days I settle for a hair-band or maybe clips. If its really bad, I tie it. That's it. Minimal. I wish I even had time to go shopping for hair accessories.

Also, skinny jeans are on their way out! I, for one am happy. Did people take SO long to realise that it doesn't suit every body type? Hah! I could've told every fashionista that on day ONE.
(then again, India is a whole season behind the world when it comes to fashion trends so god only knows how long we'll take to wind out of this skinny-s**t)
The new trend is the supposed "Boyfriend jeans", really really baggy jeans. I'm happy. They're also supposedly called these because they look like something you've fished out of your boyfriend's closet.
Now why couldn't you call them something else? Count on those people to give you a complex no matter what. First they use the word 'skinny' and then 'boyfriend'. Its like normal-bodied, single people don't have the right to wear jeans anymore. Hmmph.



It sure would've been cool to live in the seventies:)

Bitchslap!

Hell, yeah. Now THAT's what I'd really like to do to someone this week. Nah, don't get all excited, just that things are really getting on my nerves. I am so madly swamped with things I'm supposed to do, and I'm missing the things I want to do.
Worst of all..I've forgotten how to do the things I used to like doing.
Wow. I just re-read that, and It's mildly confusing!

Yesterday was the barbeque at beeris'. Now, I'm vegetarian, which means I don't really get a lot to gobble on, but the concept of barbeques is AWESOME. Fire, the smell of grilled anything wafting around me, darkness, around, content faces (and stomachs). The entire idea is just so appealing, all the more since I'm bored to death of parties. I just can't take another typical, usual party. (Slow down- I'm not a party animal, but I do require life to be a lot more interesting than the same darn thing every single time.)
A BBQ is like an informal, fun party. And I missed it! Sob!
Me-is-not-thrilled at all.

Today, I finally took indira (my car) for a drive. She's fantastic, really. Okay, I like naming things around me- charlie's my laptop, etc. Usually its all named after very good looking men, but Indira was the only exception. She's a blushing red i10. I kid you not, that's the actual colour on the brochure.
Sunday's an amazing day to drive, really...the traffic is all sleeping at home( or at BBqs, who knows) and the roads are nice and easy. I skipped a signal, irritated someone when I was reversing ( I saw him hit his forehead) and almost collided with someone on two occasions. So not good for my ego.

There's no time for anything! I wish I'd 24 hours per evening! Really..when you're a girl and you're actually scheduling waxing into your calendar and realise there's not much time to even do that...you know there's trouble brewing. I'd kill for a pedicure, too..but heck..where's the time? Now I know what all those twenty-somethings used to talk about.

Are you wondering why I'm still blogging? I swear, this is the only thing that keeps me sane. Now that I'm trying to stay away from chocolate, TV, and boys, I do still need to write, don't I?

There's no time to exercise either.
I feel fat. It doesn't help that the mirror affirms my feelings. I have almost an entire section in my cupboard that can only be categorised as "Clothes for when I lose weight". I just can't bring myself to let those clothes go.

And cat is nothing short of a catastrophe. Really. It helps that college is full of women teachers who have tremendous egos wrapped around them, along with their sarees. I've always preferred Male teachers, for only one reason- they don't care about your private life. They teach and leave.
My teachers, on the other hand...make life HELL.

And I want to watch mamma mia! Meryl Streep is one of my eternal favourites. I loved her nonchalant bossy nature in the devil wears prada. She's getting even better with time, in my opinion.
That movie had some seriously hot clothes. This green over-coat and this white one with a grey beret...to DIE for. Really. (It helps that Anne Hathaway can totally carry off these things)

Sigh.
I want a fun life back!!

Springs in steps

I love dancing.

No, no..don't get me wrong. I'm not very good at it. But put on some music and I like to move it move it..do you like to move it move it? I've probably performed (like on stage with what I'd call a decent-sized audience) a few times, say around three or four. I recently did A dance for my building (A medley. How cool am I??!!) and after that there was this lull. So on fri when Sutta said something about a dance, first I worried about how this would ruin my so-called-CAT-attempt even further, but then I decided to go for it. I don't really regret it, since It's really a great stress buster. We're doing a medley (again!:)) of 'pappu can't dance saala' which has come out looking quite funky in my opinion and 'bachna ae haseeno' which we all haven't yet choreographed, but the song is so upbeat that we all dance when it starts!

It should be fun, really. I think stage fright shall kick in but this has been a good team building (you know, decision making and the like) and creative experience.
Amateur dancers doing their own medley. *Grin*. Awesome.

Also this whole wall street fiasco is really very interesting! I'm reading every article on it that I can get my paws on. I love it and so wish I could understand exactly how economics works..Now I know more than ever that I'm so made for a non-engineering degree!

Today in class, me sutta and ms muddu had this entire conversation on India, terrorism, religion battles, Corruption, Politics, the world and it was really very lovely..I for one was so wonderfully happy. Did I mention I LOVE intelligent conversation? I want more of that!

Also I have started reading The Economist which I think anyone vaguely interested in the world (Hah!) should read. it really is a stunning piece of information..all wrapped up in that incredibly deceitful exterior. It looks thin, but it is most definitely not.

I also saw the last lear, and Verdict- Overrated. AB's acting is really quite commendable though, really worth a shot..give it a go with a DVD and hopefully surround sound and appropriate lighting..that should do. He is good! Many performances were quite good, in fact..except Preity (who looks and talks the same in every movie.) It would've made a really good play. I'm starting to think AB would've been amazing at theatre.

Oh oh and I can't wait to watch mamma mia! Anyone seen it? I positively love ABBA, simply because when I was little, my parents listened to it a lot so I sorta grew up with it and sang it and it means a fair bit to me.

mamma mia
here I go again
my, my, how can I resist you?
mamma mia
does it show again
my, my, just how much I've missed you

Ah.

Joy.

Also, I didn't expect this, But I LOVE death magnetic. The Cd cover is nice, the album is nice, and I absolutely love 'suicide and redemption'. Finally, they brought out a track and spared me the lyrics.
I hated St. Anger, but this album's nice. Sort of like the Black Album.
I love neutral milk hotel too, of late:)

Now, why can't CAT go well too? There will be only springs in my steps then.

Also tomorrow I shall be catching a play..'death' by woody allen.
I love plays. I love them, I love watching them, writing them, anything to do with them.
Watching them.

That joy will keep me going for a whole week. Can hardly wait.

Liar, Liar

They're everywhere.

If you haven't spotted them yet, you're either one of them (which I realised only too late, that there's a very high probability of almost everyone being one of them) or you're still blissfully unaware, like I used to be. But facts are facts- people outrageously lie about their lives, especially academically, in India, and that is a huge contribution to what makes our education system so unfulfilled. Really, I think that is one of the primary reasons my education has really strayed far away from the wholesome path.
everywhere.
Honestly, there are three things that make for a great education in a great university...
1) Great students (and this is Numero Uno)
2) Great opportunity
3) Great faculty.

However, great faculty play a primary role in bringing out great students, so it gets sort of confusing as to where faculty really come in. Be assured that they are really important though.

However, Indian Kids seem to have got it all wrong. Sometimes you can't blame them- there's intense competition for very few seats in virtually any course that you wish to take- heck, its easier doing an undergraduate degree in Harvard than getting into IIT, and I've heard enough and more people tell me that it is easier to get into Wharton or Harvard (if you're blessed with work experience) than IIM. And going by the way CAT is, I can certainly see why.

But there's a vast difference between Indian students and lets say, American, or British (or any student community worldwide, for that matter.) The difference is this- Indian students just don't know or rather, don't want to adopt a win-win strategy. They work on "Every man for himself". Actually I'd prefer to call it "Every liar for himself."

So instead of forming proactive study groups (which is, by the way one of the top five things students do when they join college), Indian students wade through waters on their own, and they much prefer lying to their batchmates. What that is going to accomplish, I really have no idea and I probably never will. I mean, sure..we're all competing with each other but let's face it..since we never help each other, we never really learn. Ever. This is like doing a degree through correspondence. What's the point of going to an environment that's so close minded..academically, you only gain large lumps of disconnected, disfigured, mugged up pot-pourri.

That sort of explains why even after three whole years of doing a degree, many people don't know as much as they should.

There are people who help, learn, work together. There really are. But this constitutes a miniature section of the madding crowd. The rest would rather lie. If you ask me, its ridiculous. Why play down the work you do? That makes you sound like a fool who doesn't deserve what he's got. It only takes credit away from you. Worse, it makes you look like you're a cheat.

If I can pull together a couple of hours of serious work, I'm usually so happy about it that I go screaming it out from the rooftops. I don't want to hide behind some door and slog it out quiet and alone, and be treated with surprise when I accomplish something. I know I don't want people to say.."Oh, when was she even working for this? I didn't know she was that smart." I know I don't want people to say.."Oh she's a liar..she says she's out shopping but she's actually being two faced and studying."

People don't want to admit they work because it makes them look nerdy. It makes them look focussed, smart, boring.
I hope people are smart enough to realise how stupid the previous sentence was. Trust me on this, smart is all you've got working in life for you. Stupid people are even worse than smart ones. Studies have shown that Most people would rather date someone smart who's headed somewhere in life, and shows it, than someone who's a fool who discounts the worth of a good steady head.
Don't ever be incapable of intelligent conversation, really.

What I don't get is how People actually are out all the time, like they claim to be, sleeping, chilling, yadda yadda yadda and they still do better than the ones who worked and said they did. Does that mean they actually worked without telling anyone (How stupid) or their brains are genuinely better equipped (How unfair). Either way, its weird. I'm really sick of people lying all the time. "No, I don't know how to do that, really" and ta-da! They actually do, and it shows.
I swear, if I know how to do something I'll gladly teach someone before a test, just so I can prove how oh-so-smart I really am.

Anyway, everyone wants a good success story, folks. If you're ever successful, its nice for you to be able to tell people what you did to get there instead of "I did nothing really". Its not being modest, It's being stupid. People can look through you now. I know I can.

For those of you who've been honest, and helpful to your peers, I hope you continue making the education scene here a better place to be in. For those of you who don't...You know when you lie. You think being selfish and self-obsessed is the way to go.
That way won't stretch out very far.
I sure hope it doesn't anyway. Be assured that you don't have any positive chi on your side, anyway.

This was not written because of any particular instance. But do an engineering degree here and you'll know what I'm talking about.

Blammy

Step one- I'm going to get personal. Something I normally don't do on my blog. Most of my writing falls under the inspired by other people and people they know and also what I read category.
Whew! That's a long category.

But anyway, I am called Blammy sometimes in college. Actually, I'm called rammy (which is my screename..FYI) and Dee at one point thought it'd be funny to start calling me blammy and he said the name sort of sounded "fat". My theory regarding this is that blammy sounds like a portmanteau word..you know, Blob Rammy. Ridiculous, but that's how it ever made sense in my head. Of course, I never really told anyone about this particular reasoning but hey..if people are reading my Blog, this is going to get a few laughs (or atleast a knowing smiling sort of look) for sure. Anyway..funnily enough..I loved the name Blammy the very first time I heard it. (What I wish I could change, was the implication! Haha.)

So, the truth is..I'm not really very large or Obese or anything (I'd sure as hell like to think that) and I'm not thin either. I'm what I'd call "Pleasantly Plump" when I'm in a good mood, "Fat as hell" when I'm in a crummy mood, "chubby" when I'm trying to come to terms with myself and "Getting fatter by the minute" when Life gets agonizing and terrifying. Either way, I'm not very nice, (emotionally, regarding body issues) to myself.
And wow, I've just written this on the internet.
(Gag moi.)

So yeah, externally I go all "Huh!? Did you just call me fat?!!", while internally, I usually partially agree..in my friends' circle, I'm pretty much the plump girl. But you should see the guilt-laden, confused look on someone's face when they call you fat without expecting you to take offence and yet, you do..it gets them every time and I love it. (They try and cover it up with an attempt to make any joke sound like a generic statement.Bah!)

However, I do not think I am really fat. See, the real villain of this story is my height. I happen to be of average Indian height. So i just end up looking healthier than I'd like to. See? If only I could knock off a couple, I'd look a lot more in proportion and I'd be happier and my life would turn around and (you get my drift..blah blah blah)

Anyway, So..I'm Blammy. It doesn't help that most of my friends are blissfully in shape. They either have a blessed metabolism, amazing genes, or a willpower that a blasted earthquake wouldn't shatter (they work out really regularly). But really, most of them are quite..yummy lookin'! Ah, the peril such things bring to Blammy. Really. You have no idea. See, I'm cursed with a mad love for food, and an even greater love for sleep.
Both these things ruin weight loss like nothing else.
You betcha!

Anyway, So I found a few Blogs which are GREAT for reading about weight loss (I can't really Blog about being Blammy anymore..so these people will take over.) The links I'm about to post are pretty fantastic, either being very detailed, motivating, really helpful or just plain amazing. For anyone with weight issues..if for nothing else, read them to know that you aren't alone.
You aren't alone at all.

I'm too lazy to convert into links so I'm taking the liberty of posting URL's straight (for the tech-challenged this means just copy-paste this link on your browser)

http://www.escapefromobesity.blogspot.com/

http://dietcokeandzingers.blogspot.com/

http://maintainingahealthylifestyle.blogspot.com/

http://alwaysthebiggirl.blogspot.com/

http://justoofat.wordpress.com/

Each of these Blogs have links to further Blogs on being healthy and weight-watching and yadda yadda yadda so dig in! To the information, I mean.
Yikes!

Though I must add, being Blammy in no way is a drastic problem in my life. For those people who claim you can't be fat and happy, well..you're right.
You can't be fat and happy. Amen to that.
But you can definitely be fat and loved.
Trust me on this one. I've never been denied of opportunity, friendship, love, or trust because of body issues. Really. I've seen a wrote of people write about how the only way to get friends or have people like you is by being thin. In my experience..that is a load of self-pitying rubbish...It is all in your head. Life is meant to be lived, and lived well.

And regardless of how you look, you should be living just the way you want to.

Cheers,
Blammy

P.S- Blammy really likes purple.

marginalize

hey, you there..yes you. did you think I wasn't talking to you?
we spent nights and days together
talking about how other people complicate and mess up their lives. Make them so incredibly complex that rocket science and thread anarchy came together like a ball of dirty yarn that just couldn't be spun.
You told me that you preferred it simple.
Then how come I'm trapped in your anarchy? And how come, even though I want out, I'm still in, and how come I want to tell you that I want nothing more than to be out, but I can't?

didn't you once tell me you can't stand someone who can't keep a secret?
Didn't you once exhale, for hours because I wouldn't tell you someone else's?
have you not realised that you're a hypocrite, when you call everyone else that?
Then how come you want me to spill everything for you, when you're crying over un-spoilt, un-spilt milk? Milk thats fresh and cold in the refrigerator, and FYI..your antics get stale faster than the milk does.

didn't you find someone else fake, once? Didn't you tell me that you couldn't believe people would come around for entirely selfish reasons, and that people who make the world at their convenience isn't fair? Didn't you once say you couldn't tolerate someone else reading your messages when you didn't want them to? Didn't you once call someone I know and love..nosy?
Then how come you're pouring over my shoulder, and many others'...curiosity about their lives driving you, an invisible sheath of confidence hiding you..and yet at some level you know you're transparent?

sometimes, you know the answer I'm giving. You want to change that, and you'll change what you say so I'll be forced to say what you want me to.
Haven't you realised that I love you, and all this is making me think twice about the kind of person you are?

you can't stand it when someone talks behind your back.
and you love talking behind others' backs.

You're perfectly capable of making good conversation and yet, you're so entwined in your own life that you don't really bother with it, and then you tell me other people are incredibly dull, and boring to talk to only because they're too wrapped up in themselves.
haven't you looked in a mirror, emotionally?

You can't stand it when your friends don't support your idiosyncrasies, and yet you won't support mine.
Haven't you realised that you're selfish?

The coffee's brewing. Its time for you to wake up.

surface

I ooze goodness
atleast i think I do, I believe I do
and that belief makes it all come true
and most people happen to think so too
except sometimes.

sometimes things bother me
a little, and sometimes it gets worse
and worse, and pretence is such a curse
that pretty soon I'm mumbling sinister anger under my breath
and I try, but my patience reserve has reached its death
and I still stop myself from being myself
because things bother me sometimes.

And its a nuisance, really, to let it all go
that isn't constructive, and believe me, I know
but the world's like that. You don't really have to show
people how you feel. How tiny, miniscule things get pricky
inside and how dealing with it, smiling, is more than tricky.

So sometimes I shut up, fade out
but the boiling continues, it won't burn out
and sub-consciously I'm seething, because people don't get
that people sometimes get affected by the things you've done or said
however little, those rocks do create a rubble
and before you know it, i've burst my good bubble

and i say things I never meant to say
and I absolutely ruin my own day
because truth is, I think i do possess goodness
and any negation of that makes me feel helpless
and that lava explodes, it steams me up
and I become someone else.

Three hundred and sixty four days,
of the nice me. But i always lose it on that one remaining day
and now its many, many more days a year
is this what I've become? That's my constant fear
because truth it, I used to ooze goodness
and now, its way below the surface
and I think its time I look for it, and bring it back to life
My lava needs to make way for the me that's right.

Their story

Wrappers, shiny wrappers
of gifts he'd bought, of the love he'd thought
of candy inside, of their first roller-coaster ride
sweet wrappers, sweet nothings, all wrapped up inside
that she'd banned him from getting.

And she wouldn't have it, she said
she insisted, she insisted
That isn't your money. It's not yours to give
and our memories are gifts enough. for as long as we live.
No letters, no cards. no notes. no presents.
just be with me, and let me be with you
that's present enough, that present is true

he didn't want to. I didn't search, but everywhere I go
things remind me of you, he said
and it wasn't just heart shaped things, or things in red.
things everywhere, they screamed her out to him
stones on sidewalks, christmas candy, wildflowers with a violet rim
and he got them. on impulse. he couldn't leave those things alone
what would they have to remind themselves with, when they were grown?


But she insisted, she insisted
she didn't want that guilt
They agreed, no more gifts. They were being silly
he took some convincing but he agreed mutually
they made memories. spectacular memories, they made together
and preserved together. he felt like nothing could be better
yet everytime he found something that reminded him of her
he couldn't help but think he should get it. but she wouldn't like that, for sure.

they were made for each other. things went by
years went by, their lives went by
and one week was all that it took for everything to change.
she'd lost her memory. A nervous disorder took the blame.
And all those precious memories were lost
and he couldn't get those back for her.
Why, why didn't I get her something? So she'd look at those and remember
everything we've been through. how we've made our lives together
and now I can't show her anything, to trigger off
the memories we built, so the things could lay off.

she smiled. you seem to still have them, she said
you seem to have all those memories etched in your head
and I trust you. I don't even know who you are
but you know what? I trust you. More than anyone else. By far.
Don't buy me anything. I don't like that.
Lets make memories.
I know I sound corny. But they'll last us longer than anything else will
Even though I've lost mine, you can fill me in.

And he told her stories every night.
Under her old bedsheets
How she liked the afro drums. Their distinctive beat.
and how they met, and lived, and her nature, her persona
came to life. Every little thing she'd ever done
and he told her stories, and she told him some new stories
and they made memories. Old memories. New memories. Preserved, together.
He felt like nothing, nothing could be better.

1001

Friday, January 11th, 2008.
I'm not the sort of person who remembers dates (No really, except my birthday I draw huge blanks) but strangely, I remember that one. Don't expect something very earth shattering, now. I wrote my very first Blog post on that day. Actually my first Blog post was a while back..but..I scrapped that Blog, and started this one.
And this one has lasted long enough for me to assume it is permanent. I mean, I might start other anonymous, not-so-anonymous blogs, but this will always be home base. This will always be the personal blog that made it. I now know that I won't be ditching this one.

What triggered off this blog-nostalgia? Well, it has just come to my notice that my blog has officially been viewed a 1001 times.
Pretty cool, eh? bah, who am I kidding....

It's fantastic!
(You can't see, but I'm taking a bow).

I am so taking this opportunity to thank my readers(don't scoff, some people do read my blog, don't they!?) for coming, coming again (If you did), and commenting (for THIS is what really makes a difference to me). Okay, so there are a MILLION blogs with a readership of over ten thousand each, but I feel like this is my own personal victory. Silly, but true. This blog has kept me going. It really has.
Writing has always been therapeutic. I didn't think this would ever come close to writing in a journal (and it doesn't) but it's something else altogether. It's a different kind of writing.

Okay. So this filler post is over.
I just had to commemorate the occasion.
I'm going to go do the victory dance now.
*grin*

The fifth of september, 2008

You know when good things happen to you but bad things happen to your friends? The good things just..don't seem so right anymore? uh-huh, that's right. I did pretty well in sixth sem. Well, for starters, the results came bang when we were least expecting it. Thank the sweet kind lord.

Otherwise, I'd have been in the loo and I'd have had even bigger bags under my eyes. (While we're on this..what on earth gets rid of those no-sleep circles? I've tried everything except stain remover detergent, and I really don't want to try that.)

Unfortunately, some of my friends didn't do so well. Which is purely luck based, and in many ways really unfair, if you ask me. Especially since they really did work, you know? You can't predict VTU. Ever. It will crawl up behind you and strike, before you can even respond.

So, weirdly enough, things just don't seem right, even though they are. I'm supposed to be mighty pleased with myself, but I just can't be when there are people around me that are unhappy. I really didn't think I'd ever feel this way (yeah, Us leos can be quite the selfish..well, lions.) But there's a wonderful, different kind of happiness that comes with unity. Personal Satisfaction just can't compare.

Also (and yeah, I am going to put this on my blog) it has come to my notice that students in my department were being bribed by our teachers (But of course) to spy on other students. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing ever? It makes me want to shake them up, and then shake them up some more, and then beg some NGO to give them a life. Donate a life, folks! A whole load of people in college need it!

Note: The students who were bribed, said no. (Talk about show of character and integrity. Sometimes people can really set an example. (Isn't it sad and wonderful all at the same time, how students can set examples for teachers?)

College doesn't even compare with school. My school teachers fell into one or more of the following categories:

-delightfully amusing

-delightfully charming

-delightfully hilarious

-delightfully interested

-delightfully entertaining.

I think I've pretty much made my point here.

And some, some were delightfully life-altering. It's true. They really did make a difference.

Happy Teachers' Day! To every teacher and everyone I've ever come across, for I've learnt something from you, for sure. Just don't quiz me on it:)

I miss making all those personalized teachers' day cards, so many of them.